ARROWS

A musical comedy

LIBRETTO

Words and music by Phil Shaw



Contact:

Phil Shaw: phil@philshaw.com





Copyright © 2009, 2010, 2014 by Phil Shaw - All Rights Reserved



ARROWS

1. OVERTURE

SCENE 1: HELEN and SALLY


2. Dialogue - "That'll be Jack!"

(HELEN in her Las Vegas apartment.)

HELEN

JACK. He should be here soon. This is when I invited him. It's been so many years. So many years.

(The doorbell rings.)

That'll be JACK!

(HELEN opens the door)

Come in, Jack.

(SALLY enters)

HELEN

SALLY?

(SALLY enters, carrying a peculiar looking vase.)

SALLY

HELEN! My long lost sister! Welcome to Las Vegas!

HELEN

SALLY? I thought we were having lunch tomorrow.

SALLY

That's right. But I happened to be in the neighborhood, and I wanted to drop off this pretty blue vase, a house-warming gift to welcome you here to Las Vegas. (Hands HELEN the vase.) There's supposed to be two of the pretty blue vases, a matched set.

HELEN

(Looks quizzically at the vase and puts it on a table or shelf.) Thank you, it's nice. You didn't have to make a special trip. I was expecting JACK.

SALLY

Oh yes, you said he was coming for lunch. Don't worry, I can't stay. I've got a dentist appointment.

HELEN

Well, at least stay until he gets here. I told you a lot about Jack, but I don't think you ever met him.

SALLY

Yes I did, I met him. Remember when I visited you on spring break? We went to his water polo match.

HELEN

Oh yes. His water polo team. They didn't win many matches.

SALLY

They won that one.

HELEN

That one? They played Nebraska.

HELEN

Played Nebraska?

SALLY

Five to three. JACK scored two of the goals. (Sees a large book on the table.) HELEN! That thing, on the table, is it the dictionary? The famous dictionary? You've still got it!

HELEN

Of course. I'm never without it.

SALLY

The monster! The famous Oxford Unabridged Dictionary! After all these years!

HELEN

It's always been my roommate.

SALLY

It sure is worn. You must really use it.

HELEN

Constantly. And whenever I use it I think about the birthday.

3. Song - Sisters always win - HELEN and SALLY


(Verse 1)

SALLY

Your big birthday present, HELEN. Your big birthday present. What did you want for your birthday, HELEN? What did you want mom and dad to give you for your birthday? You dropped every kind of hint to mom and dad.

HELEN

I told 'em I wanted an Oxford Dictionary, unabridged.

SALLY

Defining every word in any book on any shelf

HELEN

Just the thing a Geeky girl like me would need.

SALLY

Then you birthday came.

HELEN

Mom and dad handed me the gift.

SALLY

And you opened up the package and you found

HELEN

A Barbie Doll!

SALLY

A Barbie Doll!

HELEN

A Goddamn Barbie Doll!

SALLY

And not just any Barbie!

HELEN and SALLY

Stewardess Barbie! All dressed up in blue!

SALLY

Then you yanked poor Stewardess Barbie right out of her box.

HELEN

And I yanked poor Stewardess Barbie's head right off.

SALLY

Whack! Whack!

HELEN

Chop! Chop!

SALLY

Mother screamed and cried and ran out to the kitchen

HELEN

Father shouted and yelled and ran out to his car.

(Chorus)

SALLY

Who is this peculiar girl who claims to be my sister.

HELEN

She's so wierd!

SALLY

Not a bit like me so how could she be even normal.

HELEN

She's so wierd! Sisters watch each other day and night.

SALLY

Sisters baffle and bemuse.

HELEN and SALLY

Light each other's fuse.

HELEN

Sisters never never never fight.

SALLY

Sisters muddle and confuse.

HELEN and SALLY

Sisters never lose.

(Verse 2)

HELEN

Then it was your turn, SALLY. Your birthday was next. What did you want for your birthday, SALLY. What did you want mom and dad to give you for your birthday, HELEN? And then your birthday came around and all you wanted

SALLY

was a Barbie Doll to show me how to be a woman! A Barbie Doll!

HELEN

That's all you wanted!

SALLY

Just a Barbie Doll!

HELEN

So mom and dad said Happy Birthday darling, here's your Unabridged Oxford Dictionary.

SALLY

A dictionary! A goddamn dictionary! Where's my Barbie?! I'm a girl!

HELEN

Then they handed you the whole damn unabridged fifteen pounds of book. You figured that you'd give the thing to me.

SALLY

I'm so sweet. I carried it all the way to you.

HELEN

And dropped it on my foot.

SALLY

I didn't really drop it! It just slipped right out of my hand!

HELEN

It didn't slip until you managed to get it right over my foot!

SALLY

An accident!

HELEN

You broke my foot!

SALLY

You got out of gym class for a month.

HELEN

Who's to really know.

HELEN and SALLY

Who's to really know.

HELEN

So you broke my foot.

SALLY

Accidently!

HELEN

And there was mom and dad

SALLY

with a daughter

HELEN

and her broken foot, that their other daughter broke.

SALLY

Accidently!

HELEN

Mother screamed and cried and ran out to the kitchen.

SALLY

Father shouted and yelled and ran out to his car

HELEN

And he headed for the hospital.

SALLY

But you were still there in the living room!

HELEN

And then he came back for me.

SALLY

Well here's the Oxford dictionary. Where's the headless Barbie?

(Chorus)

HELEN

Look at how you comb your hair and check your dreadful dresses.

SALLY

You're so wierd!

HELEN

Things you think are interesting they bore me simply silly.

SALLY

You're so wierd! Sisters know each other's every itch.

HELEN

Sisters know the where and when.

HELEN and SALLY

Know where she has been.

SALLY

Sisters often often often bitch.

HELEN

Sisters smile and laugh and grin.

HELEN and SALLY

Sisters always win. Sisters always win.

4. Dialogue - "So I still have the dictionary"

HELEN

Well, SALLY, I still have the dictionary, and you...well, you're past Barbie Dolls. So now how about romance? Any prospect for a home? For some kids?

SALLY

No, HELEN, no romance for me. I don't even date much. The guys I meet...they aren't very...well, they just aren't very, oh, you know what I mean.

HELEN

I know what you mean. And they don't really...they just don't really... oh, you know what I mean.

SALLY

I know what you mean.

HELEN and SALLY

We know what we mean.

5. Song - I Get By - HELEN and SALLY


(Verse 1)

HELEN

I see the sun up in the sky, it shines all by itself. I see the moon, it glows all night a-lone. I get by, I get by.

(Verse 2)

SALLY

I boil a pot of tea for one. Some sherry on the sly. I take vacations anywhere I want. I get by, I get by

(Bridge.)

SALLY

The dreams that I told to my pillow. I know now may never come true. But think me no wan weeping willow. And paint me any color but blue, not blue.

HELEN

The schemes that I plotted and planted I know now may never take flight. But I never I took them for granted, and I'll still be there for the fight, the fight!

(Verse 3)

HELEN and SALLY

This isn't what I might have planned. But who can tell me why. I play the cards whatever comes my way. I get by, I get by.

(Chorus)

(Ax above)

6. Dialogue - "Work, work, work"

HELEN

It's work, work, work. That's all I do.

SALLY

And you like it, HELEN?

HELEN

I love it. I love the work. And I love Washington.

SALLY

But you came out here for some local campaign? City Council?

HELEN

It's a short time thing. I'll be here a month. Just a month, that's all.

SALLY

That gives you a chance to see JACK. How long since you've seen him?

HELEN

Not since he went into the Air Force and I got my first Washington job.

SALLY

And you kept in touch?

HELEN

Just birthday cards. This year he said he was living out here. at the Air Force base.

SALLY

Nellis. Nellis Air Force Base, north of town.

HELEN

I forgot to mention it to you.

SALLY

So you took this job just to see JACK?

HELEN

No, no, no. I did not take this job because of Jack. Not just because of JACK.

SALLY

I thought the two of you were headed for the alter.

HELEN

Oh no, nothing like that...we... We were such an obvious mismatch. JACK never heard of Plato, and I...what's an 'Immelmann'?. I don't know why we were together.

SALLY

I know one reason. Remember the water polo match? All the guys standing around in their Speedos? Your face was red. Your breathing heavy.

HELEN

Well...swimmers do have that V-shaped build.

SALLY

And really nice...packages.

HELEN

Packages? That's gross! That's really gross!

SALLY

And then at the picnic? The picnic after the game? And you, in your Daisy Dukes!

HELEN

(Laughs) Oh yes, my Daisy Dukes. The bait that's guaranteed to keep him hooked.

(Good Bait preview)

Good bait. Make 'em notice make 'em look. Good bait. Catch their eye and sink the hook. Good bait.

SALLY

The Daisy Dukes. All afternoon. Jack kept his eyes on your Daisy Dukes.

HELEN

They work every time.

SALLY

And why not wear them today?

HELEN

Today? The first time he comes to lunch? No, I'll leave those. For a later day. If things work out.

SALLY

So. It's you, and Jack, a fire in the desert. Then you go back to Washington and JACK goes back to...

(Arrows Arcing preview)

Arrows arcing, know their target, tag it for their game.

HELEN

What's that? Arrows arcing?

SALLY

"Arrows Arcing". It's a song they sing at Ernie's.

HELEN

Earnie's? Ernie's, a pizza shack up by Nellis. My roommate dates a crewman. They drag me to Ernie's. Somebody always starts singing that song, "Arrows arcing know their target".

HELEN

Well, I'm not sure about Jack, and the Air Force. It's almost time to re-enlist. He says he will, but...

SALLY

Ah, yes! That 'BUT'. You figure he leaves the Air Force. He gets a job back in Washington! Speedos and Daisy Dukes!

HELEN

No, no, no, no, no, no! I suppose that would be remotely possible, but...

(The doorbell rings.)

HELEN

That'll be JACK.


SCENE 2: HELEN, SALLY, AND JACK

7. Dialogue - "Helen!"

(HELEN opens the door.)

(JACK enters.)

JACK

HELEN!

HELEN

JACK! So many years. JACK, this is my sister SALLY. She says that you two met...

JACK

Yes, we met at a water polo match. Hi, Sally.

SALLY

Hi, JACK. , you came here with HELEN?

SALLY

No, I live here. I teach school in the Northeast District. By Nellis. We see your jets heading out every day.

JACK

See them and hear them roar! (To HELEN) HELEN, it's great that your work brought you here. Nice coincidence.

SALLY

(Smiling) Yes, HELEN, that was a nice coincidence! Just when it's time for JACK to re-enlist. Time to decide.

JACK

I'll re-enlist. No doubt about that. I love flying jets and I love instructing. I start out with a bunch of guys They walk in, and they fly out. They fly out.

(Arrows Arcing second preview)

JACK

Arrows arcing know their target, tag it for their game.

JACK and SALLY

Fill their eyes with open skies and take it in their aim.

JACK

If you folks know that song,

SALLY

"Arrows Arcing"

JACK

then you folks have been to Ernies.

HELEN

SALLY has. Anyway, it sounds like you've got a job for life.

JACK

Until I'm done with flying. And after that...after that...I haven't got a clue. Not a clue.

SALLY

Retire and go fishing.

JACK

Who knows. My only hobby is with my soccer team.

SALLY

You play soccer?

JACK

I coach a team. A bunch of kids. A great bunch of kids.

HELEN

And you've taught them the "trout trick"!

SALLY

Trout trick?

JACK

A fishing trick

HELEN

...you cast out the bait, you give the fish a look.

JACK

At first he's suspicious, but he wants to check it out.

HELEN

So he sneaks up behind it.

JACK

And when he gets a little close...

HELEN

...you pull it back...

JACK

So he thinks it's gonna get away.

HELEN

He chases hard to catch it.

JACK

Forgets about suspicions.

HELEN

He just thinks about that bait.

JACK

And the more you pull it back,

HELEN

the more he wants it.

JACK

'Til he chomps down hard

HELEN

... and he's hooked.

JACK

And he's hooked.

JACK

The more you make him chase it...

HELEN

...the harder he bites.

HELEN and JACK

The harder he bites.

8. Song - Make Him Work!


(Verse 1)

If you want to catch a fish then Make him scramble, make him hurry. Make him fumble, make him fight. Make him scamper, make him scuffle, Make him give it all his might. Make him work.

(Verse 2)

Make him hustle make him struggle. Make him reckon, make him plot. Make him tangle, make him juggle. Make him give it all he's got. Make him work.

(Bridge)

Something worth having's worth working for. Something worth working for, you've got to have. Something you want, you're going to chase. Something you chase, you're going to want. You're going to want.

(Verse 3)

Make him hope. Make him dream. Make him pray. Make him wish. Make him play and make him scheme. He'll forget, that he's a fish. Make him work. Make him work.

9. Dialogue - "The Trout Trick"

HELEN

The Trout Trick, SALLY. JACK always loved to explain it.

JACK

Our basic water polo trick.

SALLY

I remember that game

HELEN

You remember that game, SALLY? Nebraska, the second half. JACK got the ball, headed for the side, all by himself, the whole Nebraska team was chasing him. And then he passed the ball to Number Seven...

JACK

Seven? That was Seymour...

HELEN

(Raising an eyebrow at SALLY) Seven? Seymour??

SALLY

And bingo! Easy goal! But you haven't taught the Trout Trick to your team?

JACK

(Laughs) No, no, no. They're still tripping over their own feet. We'll be lucky to win even one game. I've got the worst team in the league.

HELEN

Maybe they should try something else.

JACK

(Laughs.) No, no, no. No, no, no. Soccer isn't just for the game. The kids learn to be a team. Win or lose, by the end of the season these guys are going to stand tall. Stand tall.

SALLY

You like to teach.

HELEN

SALLY, dear, when was your appointment?

SALLY

Appointment? Oh, yes, my dentist. I do have to go. (To JACK) Nice meeting you again, JACK.

(SALLY exits.)


SCENE 3: HELEN and JACK

10. Dialogue - "JACK. It's good to see you"

HELEN

JACK. It's good to see you.

JACK

Good to see you too, HELEN. Very good.

HELEN

You've done well. You wanted to fly and you're doing it. Sounds good.

JACK

Very good. I'm in heaven every day. And you, you've done well too. A Washington job. Sounds good

HELEN

Very good. Senate staff job, making things go.

JACK

(Smiling) And the more devious, the more you like it.

HELEN

You know me too well. I do like to work out tricks and turns.

JACK

And I bet you're good at it.

HELEN

Tricks and turns, plans and ploys, that's my job. It's what I do.

JACK

And how about you as a candidate? Are you thinking about maybe someday running for congress? Something like that?

HELEN

Not at all, that is not going to happen. I'm a pushy know-it-all. I'd never be good at kissing babies.

JACK

Kissing babies? (Smiling) You could get votes without that. From the men at least. Just wear your...

HELEN

Daisy Dukes! My Daisy Dukes! That would be a great campaign poster. My Daisy Dukes always got your attention.

JACK

And you always noticed my Speedos. My high-cut Speedos. And you always pretended not to.

11. Song - Good Bait - HELEN and JACK


(Verse 1)

JACK

You have intelligence and wit, and did I mention grace and style. You have many fine attractions and I noticed every one.

HELEN

But it took my Daisy Dukes to catch your eye.

HELEN and JACK

Good bait.

HELEN

You've got character and skill, dependability, panache, there's much to recommend you and I savored each and all.

JACK

But without my speedos how would you have seen?

HELEN and JACK

Good bait.

(Chorus)

Good bait. Make him notice make him look. Good bait. Catch his eye and sink the hook. Good bait. It's the way you get it done. Good bait. It's the way you start the fun. Good bait.

(Verse 2)

We left the Daisy Dukes and Speedos lying on the floor. But when the dust had settled there was more, yes there was more. There were smiles and laughs and things we'd talk about. Good bait. But still and all when we look back and think about those days and conjure up the best and all the rest and all in all. It's the Daisy Dukes and Speedos we recall GOOD BAIT

12. Dialogue - "That was us"

HELEN

That was us. Daisy Dukes and Speedos.

JACK

We had some great days together.

HELEN

We had such a wonderful time. And now we meet again. You don't have an Air Force wife?

JACK

Not even an Air Force groupy, if there are such things. And you, no Washington nerd?

HELEN

Not even a Washington intellectual, if there are such things. Your re-enlistment. You've completely decided? For sure?

JACK

Completely. You have something in mind? Something else?

HELEN

Well...a lot of Washington groups hire ex-officers. I know one that needs an Air Force guy. It would just be a start, then you'd play the angles.

JACK

Play the angles? That sounds like you.

HELEN

(Smiles) Well,...

JACK

I'm a pilot, HELEN. Nothiing else. I'm a pilot.

(JACK's phone rings.)

JACK

My phone. A guy from the base. I better see what he wants.

(JACK takes the call.)

Hi, what's up. (JACK listens) Thirty percent? Thirty percent? Thirty percent. Thanks for letting me know. All news can't be good news. So long.

(JACK hangs up.)

(To HELEN) Well, HELEN. As the old saying goes, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans". No re-enlistment. No re-enlistment for me. Defense Department cuts. Thirty percent. Nellis will lose a third of the pilot-instructors, including me. There's a meeting to give us the details. I'll have to scoot.

HELEN

Of course. I'll phone you.

(JACK leaves. HELEN goes into the kitchen.)


13. INTERLUDE

SCENE 4: HELEN and SALLY, a few days later

14. Dialogue - "That'll be Jack!"

(HELEN in her Las Vegas apartment.)

(The doorbell rings. HELEN opens the door.)

HELEN

That'll be JACK. Come in, Jack!

(HELEN opens the door.)

HELEN

SALLY?

(SALLY enters, carrying another peculiar looking vase identical to the first one.)

SALLY

HELEN! Hi again!

HELEN

I thought we were having lunch tomorrow.

SALLY

That's right. But I found the other blue vase to match the one I left last week. I figured I'd drop it off before I forgot. (Hands HELEN the vase)

HELEN

(Looks quizzically at the vase, and puts it on the shelf by its twin.) Oh, good! I really felt so bad with only one blue vase. But you didn't have to make a special trip. I was waiting for JACK.

SALLY

Oh yes, you said he was coming for lunch. Don't worry, I can't stay. I've got a dentist appointment.

HELEN

Well at least stay until he gets here. The news, the cut-backs, the reductions, how's he doing?

HELEN

He's been in a daze ever since he heard about the cuts. In a couple of weeks he'll be out of the Air Force. That's a lot to get used to. I don't think he's even started thinking about what's next.

SALLY

In a couple of weeks he'll be needing a paycheck.

HELEN

I don't think he'll care about that until he adjusts to being a civilian.

SALLY

He really seems to like his soccer team.

HELEN

Soccer doesn't pay anything.

SALLY

He could coach high school.

HELEN

Coach high school? After being an Air Force pilot?

SALLY

There's a high school in the North District that's looking for a coach.

HELEN

High school coach? Why not just be a Walmart greeter.

SALLY

Walmart greeter?

(It's A Job preview)

Walmart greeter? Hey! It's a job! Hey! It's a job! It's a job!


(The doorbell rings.)

HELEN

That'll be JACK!

SCENE 5: HELEN, SALLY, and JACK

15. Dialogue - "Hi, Helen, hi, Sally"

(HELEN opens the door.)

(JACK enters.)

JACK

Hi, Helen. Hi Sally.

HELEN

Hello, Jack.

SALLY

Hi, Jack. Any change in the cutback?

JACK

No chance of that. This is one of those edicts from up above. Whamo, JACK! Live with it!

SALLY

And a job?

JACK

Job? I don't know. Walmart greeter?

16. Song - It's A Job


(Verse 1)

You could be a Walmart greeter, "Howdy folks! We've got some garden rakes on sale they're back on counter six." Be a crossing guard at middle school. Or teach a class on buying real estate with nothing down. Give a party pitching Tupperware. Or sell encyclopedia's and go from door-to-door. Give a TV pitch for Ginzu Knives. Or teach a class to read a thousand pages in an hour.

(Chorus)

Hey! It's a job! Hey! It's a job! It's a job! It's a job!

(Verse 2)

Be a Walmart Greeter, "Yes indeed, the Cokes are still on sale, you'll find them back on counter six." Do the phone solicitation calls. "Just fifteen bucks a month to feed the kids and save the world." Walk the poodle for some wealthy broad. Or walk the wealthy broad herself, a pinch and then a wink. Hand out leaflets for a stripper joint. Or be the back-up bouncer at the Kissing Chicken Ranch!

(Chorus)

(as above)

17. Dialogue - "Maybe you could be a Navy pilot?"

SALLY

Well, JACK, maybe you could you be a Navy pilot?

JACK

Different training. And they're getting cut back too.

HELEN

(To SALLY) SALLY, dear. What time was your appointment?

SALLY

Appointment? Oh yes! My dentist. I do have to run. (To JACK) Good luck, JACK.

(SALLY exits.)


SCENE 6: HELEN and JACK

18. Dialogue - "Well, Jack"

HELEN

Well, JACK. No more jets. Some other job?

JACK

Jets are all I know, jets and water polo.

HELEN

Water polo? Maybe we could just go back to school. You and me, Daisy Dukes and Speedos.

JACK

Daisy Dukes and Speedos all the way, you and me, back in school.

HELEN

We were such an odd couple.

JACK

A nerd and a jock.

HELEN

And we didn't try to change each other.

JACK

You never tried to teach me Plato.

HELEN

And you never tried to teach me jets. That was the magic between us. All my friends were trying to change their boyfriends.

JACK

And their boyfriends were trying to change them.

HELEN

But you and I, we just had a good time.

JACK

We had such a good time.

HELEN

And let each other be.

HELEN and JACK

Let each other be.


19. Song - I knew you - HELEN and JACK


(Verse 1)

JACK

I knew you. You were never going to bake an apple pie. You were never going to knit a baby's hat. You were never going to do the things that housewives like to do. I knew you.

(Verse 2)

HELEN

I knew you. You were never going to read The New York Times. You were never going to argue Senate rules. You were never going to do the things that highbrows like to do. I knew you.

(Bridge)

HELEN and JACK

I could have tried to set you straight, change your ways and help you grow. I could have even been your guide. Teach you all I know inside. I could have lent a helping hand. Helped you be just what I planned. But somehow someway I just let you be. I just let you be.

(Verse 3)

HELEN and JACK I knew you.

HELEN

You were never going to sit when I say 'heel'.

JACK

You were never going to purr or learn to squeal.

HELEN and JACK

You were never going to do the things they teach you in a zoo. I knew you.

(Verse 4)

HELEN

I know you. You are always going to be just who you are.

JACK

You are always going to follow your own star.

HELEN

You are never going to do

JACK

the things that I might have you do.

HELEN and JACK

I know you.

(Final chorus)

HELEN and JACK

Yes I could try to set you straight, change your ways and help you grow. And I could even be your guide. Teach you all I know inside. And I could lend a helping hand. Help you be just what I planned.

(TAG)

HELEN and JACK

Instead I'm going to... I'm going to let you be.

20. Dialogue - "We knew that we could have"

JACK

We had to let each other be. You wereen't going to be an Air Force wife.

HELEN

And you weren't going to be a Washington nerd.

JACK

We knew that we could have a few good years together, if we didn't try to make it more.

HELEN

We were like a romantic couple who meet on a cruise ship.

JACK

And knows they could have...

HELEN

A few good days together...

HELEN and JACK

If they didn't try to make it more. If we didn't try to make it more.


21. Dialogue - "You can't go home again"

HELEN

You can't go home again.

JACK

You can't step in the same river twice.

HELEN

There's no there there.

JACK

Our days of wine and roses...

HELEN

Of splendor in the grass...

HELEN and JACK

Done and gone. Let them pass.

JACK

Such a pretty story.

HELEN and JACK

Stories always end.

22. Song - Stories Always End


(Verse 1)

JACK

Do you remember it all?

HELEN

Yes, I remember so much.

JACK

I remember movies Friday night.

HELEN

Weekends in the park.

JACK

Pizza twice a week, and

HELEN and JACK

secrets hiding in the dark.

JACK

Nothing more to break.

HELEN

Nothing more to bend.

HELEN and JACK

Stories always end.

(Verse 2)

JACK

Florida that spring.

HELEN

Nothing that we planned.

JACK

Eating rotten oysters,

HELEN and JACK

chucking right there in the sand.

JACK

Nothing more to mar.

HELEN

Nothing more to mend.

HELEN and JACK

Stories always end.

(Bridge)

JACK

Memories,

HELEN

show so little in the haze.

JACK

Photographs,

HELEN and JACK

catch the moments, miss the days.

(Verse 3)

JACK

Dancing at the prom.

HELEN

Tux and evening gown.

JACK

Photo with the governor,

HELEN and JACK

you had such a silly frown.

JACK

Nothing more to lose.

HELEN

Nothing more to lend.

HELEN and JACK

Stories always end.

(TAG)

HELEN

Turn the page, then close the book.

JACK

We've read it all, no need to look.

JACK

Nothing more to find.

HELEN

Nothing but a friend.

HELEN and JACK

Stories always end.

23. Dialogue - "Well, Jack, you still need a job"

HELEN

Well, JACK, you still need a job. Why not wait a while, there's no hurry. Visit your family. Take a vacation.

JACK

I could do this or that. But I've got to get the soccer team ready for ready for the championships. We might even win a game, before we get eliminated.

HELEN

And after your soccer team? What kind of job?

JACK

After my soccer team, what kind of job. What kind of job. I've got no idea.

HELEN

We both know Washington won't work.

JACK

We both know Washington won't work.

HELEN and JACK

Washington won't work. Washington won't work.

JACK

I'm not a Washington nerd.

HELEN

And I wouldn't know what to do with a Barbie Doll.


SCENE 7: HELEN, JACK, and SALLY

24. Dialogue - "Who could that be?"

HELEN

Who could that be.

(HELEN opens the door.)

HELEN

Come in.

(SALLY enters.)

HELEN

SALLY?!

(SALLY enters.)

SALLY

HELEN! Hi, again.

SALLY

Hi, Jack.

JACK

Hi SALLY.

SALLY

HELEN, about the blue vases, I'm having some teachers to dinner tonight, and I wondered about the blue vases...

HELEN

(Handing SALLY the vases) Oh yes, the vases. The pretty blue vases. Why don't you take them for your dinner tonight.

SALLY

Thanks, HELEN. JACK, how did you team do? In the game?

JACK

They scored, SALLY! They scored a point! The first point they ever scored! We still lost, six to one, but that's OK. They scored a point and didn't get skunked.

SALLY

And your new job, JACK? I guess you'll finish the soccer season? First? Then think about a job?

JACK

That seems like the best way, SALLY. Then I'll look for some work, instead of just a job.

SALLY

How about Washington? Maybe you could try Washington?

HELEN

No, SALLY, no, no, no. Washington wasn't such a good idea at all. Don't start a story you aren't going to finish.

JACK

Or a story that's already nicely finished.

HELEN and JACK

Washington won't work. Stories always end.

SALLY

So you have no ideas for a job, JACK?

JACK

No, SALLY, I haven't been thinking about that at all.

HELEN

Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Let step aside, let me think! I had a flash! I see the light! I know the next story! It's SALLY and JACK! Let's get it started1 JACK! Here's an idea. You need a job, and not just any job, you need a job that you want to do. OK, how about...how about... How about a high school coach?

JACK

High school coach?!

SALLY

High school coach, HELEN?

HELEN

High school coach!

JACK

Coaching an after school team, that's fine. But being a high school coach? That job is not for me!

SALLY

HELEN? Did you say high school coach?

JACK

High school coach?

SALLY

High school coach?

HELEN

Yes, high school coach. That's what I said!

JACK

That job is not for me.

HELEN

Sally you said they needed a high school coach, up in the Northeast District.

JACK

High school coach? That job is certainly not for me!

HELEN

HELEN, you're right. They need a high school coach, up in the Northeast District.

JACK

High school coach. That job is not for me!

HELEN

Was that thunder? I didn't know it was supposed to rain. Does it look like rain, JACK?

JACK

I'll go out on the balcony and have a look.

(JACK goes to the window.)

(HELEN and SALLY whisper to each other.)

HELEN

Now SALLY while JACK is out there on the balcony checking each cloud in the sky for rain, we can make plans.

SALLY

Make plans for what?

HELEN

Well, you know that JACK really likes his coaching.

SALLY

He does it so well and he's great for the kids.

HELEN

But he keeps saying that's not the job for him.

SALLY

He says it again and again, (Mimicing JACK) "That job is not the job for me". h4 align="center">HELEN Methinks he doth protest too much. So if you and I should start poking fun at high school coaches,

SALLY

JACK will have to choose sides.

HELEN

Will he stand by and let us poke fun at high school coaches?

SALLY

Or will he stand up and jump in and fight for high school coaches.

HELEN

JACK will stand up and jump in and fight for high school coaches. And JACK will decide to be a high school coach.

SALLY

HELEN, this sounds like the Trout Trick!

HELEN

And he'll bite.

SALLY

HELEN, isn't that trick a bit sneaky and slick?

HELEN

Sneaky and slick, SALLY? That's my job. It's what I do.

JACK

No sign of rain!

(JACK returns from the window.)

JACK! You're back!

JACK

Some alto-cumulus in the north, a few cirro-stratus to the east. Winds five knots from the...

HELEN

JACK, high school coach?

JACK

High school coach. Not for me. That job's not for me. Too many problems. Too much work.

25. Song - The Trout Trick Trio - HELEN, SALLY, and JACK


(PART 1 - WALMART GREETER)

HELEN

(To SALLY) He's right! Completely right, exactly right, indeed, he's right! High school coach? What's that? Might as well just be a Walmart greeter.

SALLY

Just a Walmart greeter.

JACK

Walmart greeter? A high school coach is more than that.

HELEN

More than that, but

SALLY

Walmart greeters get more pay.

JACK

A job is more than pay.

HELEN

More than pay.

SALLY

Walmart greeters get their pay, and also get respect.

JACK

Get respect? A guy that gets a bunch of kids through school deserves respect.

(PART 2: TROUBLE-MAKERS)

HELEN

(To SALLY) He's right! Completely right, exactly right, indeed, he's right! A high school coach deserves respect.

SALLY

A high school coach deserves respect provides that he's got a winning team.

JACK

A coach can do his job without a winning team.

HELEN

Try telling that to the parents!

SALLY

That's right, HELEN. Mom and dad want their little kids to win the championship this year and next year too.

JACK

Parents need to understand that championships are well and good, but the real grand prize is kids who learn to play for the team.

HELEN

(To SALLY) He's right! Completely right, exactly right, indeed, he's right. Play for the team. That's what they'll do.

SALLY

They may play for the team. Just maybe. But the team won't have any equipment. Funding's down, sports will take a cut.

JACK

Time that someone spoke up, spoke out, made the case.

SALLY

The school board doesn't care. Their travel budget's safe.

JACK

Someone needs to hold the schoolboard's feet to the fire.

HELEN

High school coach. Lousy work.

SALLY

High school coach. Lousy deal.

JACK

High school coach. The job, it's tough.

HELEN

High school coach. Dead-end work.

SALLY

High school coach. Dead-end deal.

JACK

High school coach, a job that counts.

HELEN

High school coach. Awful work.

SALLY

High school coach. Awful deal.

JACK

High school coach. That job is for me!

26. Dialogue - "This job, high school coach"

JACK

(To SALLY) This job, high school coach. Where do I go? Who do I see?

SALLY

The Norteast District. I know the guy who runs the athletic department.

HELEN

You could send him an email.

JACK

Or phone him.

SALLY

I'll see him at the staff meeting Monday.

JACK

Why not today, Let's go right now.

HELEN

You folks haven't had lunch.

JACK

We can get something later.

HELEN, SALLY, and JACK

Maybe you stop at Ernies. qqq

HELEN

Now, wait, SALLY, before you folks go, didn't you say you've got a dinner party this evening? For some teachers?

SALLY

Yes, HELEN, for some folks from the school.

HELEN

Well, here's a suggestion. Perhaps you could ask JACK to join you.

SALLY

Oh yes! Good idea, HELEN! Can you make it, JACK? To dinner this evening?

JACK

Sure, SALLY, I'd...

HELEN

Now SALLY, you wouldn't mind if JACK brings along a date, would you?

SALLY

No, HELEN, I guess it would be OK.

HELEN

Oh yes, JACK, you couldn't bring along a date. I remember you said you have no current romance, not even an Air Force groupie.

JACK

If there are such things.

HELEN

Well, forget about groupies. Perhaps there'll be an unattached woman on SALLY's guest list that you can meet. Oh, wait, SALLY, you said you have no current romance. JACK and SALLY, you're both unattached.

SALLY

HELEN! Aren't you just being just a little pushy?

HELEN

Not pushy, SALLY, just helpful. Now, JACK, here's some advice. I know you're used to the crude life on an Air Force base, so remember: in order to be to be proper and polite, when SALLY's other guests have gone home, you should stay and help SALLY clean up.

JACK

Thanks, HELEN, I...

SALLY

Now HELEN, you're just going to have to stop meddling and plotting.

HELEN

And SALLY, here's some advice for you. When you and JACK have finished cleaning up, you should show him your appreciation, perhaps with a glass of wine on the patio.

SALLY

Thanks for all the sweet unnecessary advice, HELEN. rrr

HELEN

Oh, and SALLY, your vases. Before you leave, remember you pretty blue vases. And JACK, SALLY doesn't have a pool, so you won't need your Speedos. Now you folks better get along to check on JACK's new job. I've got some words I've got to look up in my Oxford Unabridged dictionary.

SALLY

HELEN, will you come tonight? To my dinner party? I would so love to have you there. Then you can join us on the patio for that glass of wine.

HELEN

No, SALLY. There's only just enough wine for two. Besides, tonight, well, tonight I have an important prior engagement, which I'll make just as soon as I can. An important prior engagement that I'll make just as soon as I can. That was a joke. What was that song, that song they always sing at Earnie's?

ENSEMBLE

27. Song - Arrows Arcing


(Verse 1)

Arrows arcing, know their target. Tag it for their game. Fill their eyes with open skies and take it in their aim.

(Verse 2)

Arrows arcing, track their target. Trail it as they soar. Mark their prey and take the day and make another score.

(Bridge)

Flowers grow in earthly gardens pick them for your shrouds. Flowers also grow up in the sky among the clouds.

(Verse 3)

Arrows arcing, pass horizons, find the other sky. Chase the sun and make it run and never say goodbye.

("Possibilities" interlude)

JACK

I never really thought of SALLY that way.

SALLY

I really never thought of JACK that way.

JACK and SALLY

Could it be, well we will see. There's the door, now try the key.

(Verse 2)

SALLY

A quiet dinner, wine and candlelight.

JACK

A barbeque, we'll talk with friends all night. See just what tomorrow brings.

SALLY

See if baby carts have wings.

(Chorus)

JACK

Possibilities.

SALLY

Through an open door.

JACK

Possibilities.

SALLY

Less becoming more.

JACK

Possibilities.

SALLY

Take them if you choose.

JACK

Possibilities.

SALLY and JACK

Players never lose.

(HELEN finishes her phone call.)

(Verse 3)

HELEN

I had never thought of JACK and SALLY that way. Tricks and treats can sneak up any day. Destiny is always blind. Fate is simply what you find. Schemes and plans don't always carry through. Answered prayers are where the troubles brew. Not to worry, not to blame. Losing's part of every game.

(Second bridge)

What you seek is often not just what you're going to find. What you score is often not just what you had in mind.

(Last verse)

Arrows arcing fly away to some uncharted land. Puzzle not it's past your ken just whistle with the band.


28. Exit Music