B & B

A musical comedy

LIBRETTO

Words and music by Phil Shaw



Contact:

Phil Shaw: phil@philshaw.com





Copyright © 2021 by Phil Shaw - All Rights Reserved






SCENE 1: Town Hall Meeting

NARRATOR

BEA and BEN, speaking at a Town Hall meeting in Washington.

2. SONG: "Do what's right"

(BEA and BEN enter and address the audience.)

BEN

Good evening, everyone! Welcome to this Town Hall meeting.

BEA

And our sincere warm thanks to the League of Upstanding Voters for sponsoring this event.

BEN

I'm BEN. BEN BENEDICT, and this is...

BEA

BEATRICE. BEATRICE BAILEY, BEA for short.

BEN

The League invited us here tonight to explain the famous Baker-Beckham Bill.

BEA

The infamous Baker-Beckham Bill.

BEN

Sponsored by Senator Bellamy Beckham of Boston,...

BEA

...and Senator Billy-Bob Baker.

BEN

From Boise.

BEA

Now, BEN will be describing the rattlebrained rationale for the Baker-Beckham Bill.

BEN

And BEA will tell you all the misleading, misguided arguments against it.

BEA

This is a good time to talk about the Baker-Beckham Bill.

BEN

The Senate is voting tonight.

BEA

So there's still time to phone up your senators...

BEN

...and let them know where you stand.

BEA

And now, before we get into the details, let me make one important point: You don't need to know all those details. You just need to look in your hearts, and then..



("Do what's right" verse 1.)

Do what's right. Do your duty even though you have to fight. Be prepared to take a stand. Be audacious, brave and grand. Be the one to set the path and show the light! Do what's right.


BEA

But, you probably want to know more about the Baker-Beckham Bill. You want the specifics.

BEN

OK, BEA, let's look at the specifics.

Clause one strengthens our great country.

And Clause two provides a better life for every American.

Then clause three ensures that every American can share in the American Dream.

BEA

I'm speechless!

BEN

We hope!

BEA

He jokes, while he fills this great hall up with blather and fog!

BEN

Blather and fog? No matter! Everyone simply needs to...



("Do what's right" verse 2.) Do what's good. Do the thing you know is what you know you should. Be the one who stands in front. Be the one who bears the brunt. Be the one who will not be misunderstood. Do what's good.


BEA

The Baker-Beckham Bill. The baleful, batty, barbarous, bone-headed, Baker-Beckham Bill.

Let's look at what happens if this terrible travesty turns into law.

BEN

And please! No fog!

BEA

Clause one will be a disaster for every American.

Clause two will have catastrophic consequences nobody ever expected.

And Clause three. Clause three will bring on a wave of disruption much worse than the worst tidal wave ever seen.

BEN

Like the worst tidal wave of obfuscation in recorded Washington history!



("Do what's right" chorus.)

(BEN) The road may be rough, you may falter you may fail but you must persevere to the end. (BEA) So don't be discouraged, take the tiger by the tail. And hope...that fortune is your friend.


BEN

Well, BEA, we've surely shed light on this issue.

BEA

I'm sure BEN will join me in thanking the League of Upstanding Voters for hosting this evening.

BEN

Yes indeed! And to summarize why you should favor this excellent bill, let me leave you with just one word: God Bless America!

BEA

And for the sensible folks who oppose this god-awful bill, I'll just say God Help America if this devious drivel gets by.

BEN

All you need to remember is...



("Do what's right" verse 3.) Do what's nice. Do the righteous even though you pay a price. Be the one who never squabbles. Be the one who never wobbles. Be the one who always gives the good advice. Do what's nice.


BEA

Thank you all for coming, and good night!

BEN

Thank you! Drive safely!


SCENE 2: How do you do - BEA & BEN and REGINA & REX

3. SONG: "How do you do"

(BEA and BEN address each other.)

BEA

Well, BEN, there's one thing I've learned from this Town Hall: Baker-Beckham backers are bulldozers! Bullying bulldozers!

BEN

OK, BEA. And I learned that Baker-Beckham blockers are batty bananas! Blatantly, blissfully, batty bananas

(REX enters.)

REX

Hi BEN!

BEN

Hi REX! I didn't see you tonight.

REX

I was late.

BEN

Oh, BEA, you know REX, don't you? REX BURNHAM? My partner in the promotions business?

BEA

I've seen you around the offices, REX.



("How do you do" verse 1.)

(BEA) How do you do? Pleased to meet you. Are your politics like mine? Can you walk the narrow line? (REX) How do you do? Pleased to meet you. We may never quite agree, so we'll just let all that be.


(REGINA enters.)

REGINA

Hi BEA!

BEA

REGINA!

REGINA

I came straight from the airport! Just in time for the Town Hall!

BEA

REGINA, this is BEN, BEN BENEDICT. You saw him in the Town Hall. And this is his consulting partner REX BURNHAM. BEN, REX, this is my sister REGINA, REGINA BAILEY, from Boston.



("How do you do" verse 2.)

(REGINA) How do you do? Pleased to meet you. Hope we'll have a chance to chat, maybe talk of this or that. (REX & BEN) How do you do? Pleased to meet you. Maybe later we can talk, meet for coffee, take a walk.


REX

And what brings you down here, REGINA?

REGINA

I'm looking for a job, REX. The advertising agency I worked for down-sized me.

BEA

I said come down here and see what's up in Washington.

REX

You should be able to find something here.

BEA

How about you and BEN, REX? Do you guys need someone for advertising?

REX

So far it's just been BEN and me. We thought about another partner...

BEN

...but three-way arguments seemed too confusing.

BEA

Three way arguments too confusing? From what I hear coming out of your office, you guys get plenty confused by your two-way arguments.

BEN

And how about the two-way arguments coming out of your office when you're in there alone.



("How do you do" chorus.)

BEA & BEN and REGINA & REX

'How do you do?' will set the stage for all that then ensues. And if you fail to measure up put on your walking shoes.


REGINA

Well tonight I thought BEA and BEN both did a really good job.

REX

BEN's good at debating and all, but he's always saying he'd rather be back working construction.

BEN

Jobs like I did in the summer in college. I could see my work, I could look at what I had done.

BEA

What you done?

REGINA

Now, Bea, You pine away for your old college job too, when you managed a hotel...

BEA

Assistant manager. But the manager was always away, so I ran the place.

BEN

The hotel guests, did they complain about nightmares?

REX

Don't worry, REGINA, you'll get used to this jibing and jeering. BEA and BEN tend to...

REGINA

I noticed, REX. I guess it's just part of their jobs. Speaking of jobs, BEA, just what do you do?

BEA

I'm a consultant or lobbyist or meddler, and BEN and REX do the same.

BEN

Our offices are next to each other.



("How do you do" verse 3 - alternating BEA, BEN, REGINA and REX.)

How do you do? Pleased to meet you. Do you think it's gonna rain? If it does I won't complain. How do you do? Pleased to meet you. Do you track what's going on? Does the news just make you yawn?


REX

OK, BEN, let's go back to the office to wait for the vote. I'm parked right outside.

BEA

I'll show you my office, REGINA. I'm in the garage across the street.


SCENE 3a: BEN and REX Talk

NARRATOR

BEN and REX, driving to their office.

4. SONG: "Let's not talk about her"

REX

Well, BEN, BEA is quite an opponent. She thinks on her feet. And also, she...



("Let's not talk..." verse 1.)

(BEN) Let's not talk about her. Talk about sugar. Talk about cane. Talk about England and Spain. Let's not talk about her.


REX

It's too bad that BEA isn't on our side.

BEN

BEA? On our side? Whichever side she's on is cursed.

REX

But she...



("Let's not talk..." verse 2.)

(BEN) Let's not talk about her. Talk about teacups. Talk about spoons. Talk about planets and moons. But let's not talk about her.


REX

BEA always comes up with answers to every point in our play book.

BEN

She thinks she's so smart just because she can memorize stupid debating points.



("Let's not talk..." chorus.)

REX

The traffic's been terrible lately, but it's running quite smoothly today. When some someone upsets me for some unknown reason I make myself smile and say 'anchors aweigh'.


REX

Well, I'm glad we've got someone like BEA on the other side. She keeps us on our game.

BEN

Game? She isn't playing a game! She's being a bother, a bane, and a bore.



("Let's not talk..." verse 3.)

(BEN) Let's not talk about her. Talk about hammers. Talk about nails. Talk about fishes and whales. But let's not talk about her.


REX

BEA has a really great smile.

BEN

That damned smile! That damned smile! She smiles and everyone does what she wants. Always that smile!


SCENE 3b: BEA & REGINA Talk

NARRATOR

BEA and REGINA, driving to BEA's office.

5. SONG: "Let's not talk about him"

REGINA

Well, BEA, That guy BEN, he seems like a good debater. He certainly does have a...



("Let's not talk..." verse 4.)

(BEA) Let's not talk about him. Talk about fishes. Talk about birds, Talk about caribou herds. But let's not talk about him.


REGINA

Too bad you and BEN aren't on the same side.

BEA

Same side? The only side he knows is his side.

REGINA

Still, if you and he could only...



("Let's not talk..." verse 5.)

Let's not talk about him. Talk about crackers. Talk about crumbs. Talk about bugles and drums. But let's not talk about him.


REGINA

Anyway, you and BEN would make a good team.

BEA

A good team? Me and Ben? Me and Ben? I wouldn't...



("Let's not talk..." chorus.)

REGINA

The weather was nasty this morning. But now there's no cloud in the sky. When I find that the weather or someone annoys me, I look in the mirror and turn a blind eye.


REGINA

BEN seems quick on his feet. Knows his business.

BEA

Knows his business? He's smug! He's conceited!

REGINA

But he...



("Let's not talk..." verse 6.)

(BEA) Let's not talk about him. Talk about apples. Talk about pears. Talk about circles and squares. But let's not talk about him.


REGINA

Well, he does have a certain charm.

BEA

Charm?! Charm?! He turns on that charm and he gets what he wants! Always that damn charm!


SCENE 4: BEA & BEN go for take-out

NARRATOR

BEA and REGINA and BEN and REX, back at the offices.

6. SONG: "Let's cooperate"

(BEA and REGINA and BEN and REX enter.)

BEA

Here we are, REGINA. This is the reception room, and my office is over there.

REX

And BEN and I are right next to it.

REGINA

Nice layout. Say, I saw some restaurants downstairs. Maybe someone could go for some take-out?

REX

Take-out? Good idea, REGINA.

BEN

How about pizza? La Pizza Totale has some great...

BEA

I was thinking soup, from the Crooked Crock across the street.

BEN

Soup? Soup is not a meal! Soup is what you mess with while you're waiting for the meal! Pizza's what we...

BEA

Pizza isn't food! Pizza is something for college boys to drop on the floor and then pick up and eat!

REGINA

Listen, BEA, why don't you and BEN just go down and get something.

REX

Argue it out on the way.

REGINA

Maybe even flip a coin.

BEA

Well...

BEN

OK. You up for it, BEA?

BEA

Sure, BEN.



("Let's cooperate" verse 1.)

Let's collaborate. Let's accomodate. Let's see where we maybe agree. It needn't be this. It doesn't have to be that. It just has to satisfy me.

("Let's cooperate" verse 2.)

Let's cooperate, Let's coordinate. We can find a middle way. It needn't be black. It doesn't have to be white, It just has to have my OK.

("Let's cooperate" chorus.)

(BEN) As long as I'm pleased and content. I'm on board one hundred percent. (BEA) Provided it meets all my needs and demands, I will grant my approval and we can shake hands.

("Let's cooperate" verse 3.)

Let's negotiate. Let's combobulate. Let's find a compromise. It needn't be mine. It doesn't have to be yours. Maybe something we both can despise.


REX

Food, BEN! Go get something!

REGINA

Dinner, BEA! We'll be waiting!

BEN

OK.

BEA

We'll be right back.

(BEA and BEN exit.)


SCENE 5a: REX and REGINA talk about Shakespeare

NARRATOR

REGINA and REX, still in the offices.

7. SONG: "Shakespeare"

REGINA

Can BEN and BEA be trusted off together like that? Won't they be throwing things at each other?

REX

So far their tussling has always been verbal.

REGINA

They do seem to like throwing barbs at each other.

REX

It's their recreation.

(Pause.)

REGINA

The weather's been pretty good lately.

REX

Nothing to complain about.

REGINA

Why complain. It could always be worse.

REX

Better to just take what comes.

REGINA

That sounds like a pretty good motto.

REX

I'll try to remember it.

(Pause.)

REGINA

You know, REX? I've been sort of thinking.

REX

Sort of thinking?

REGINA

I've got the beginnings of a thought.

REX

The beginnings?

REGINA

Nothing I've worked out.

REX

Just the beginnings?

REGINA

My sister BEA and your business partner BEN.

REX

BEA and BEN.

REGINA

BEA is short for BEATRICE, and BEN's last name is BENEDICT. My sister BEATRICE, your partner BENEDICT. BEATRICE and BENEDICT. That puts me in mind of...well,



("Shakespeare" verse 1.)

(REGINA) Shakespeare, the Bard of Avon, Have you perhaps read any of his well-known plays?. "Macbeth", perhaps? Or maybe "Julius Caesar"? Or does all that culture leave you in a daze?

("Shakespeare" verse 2.)

(REX) Shakespeare, I'm gonna read him. Perhaps next April, maybe May, or even June. Right now it must be said I don't much need him. But I'll get around to reading him real soon.

("Shakespeare" verse 3.)

(REGINA) Shakespeare. Well he wrote plenty. There's more than thirty plays and all the sonnets too. But there's one play I'd like to bring to your attention. One play that might suggest what we might do.


REX

One play? One play that might suggest what we might do? Do you mean "Much Ado About Nothing"? With Beatrice and Benedick?

REGINA

Yes. That's right. How do you happen to...

REX

I was Claudio, in a college production. Remember Claudio? Benedick's friend?

REGINA

Then you remember that Beatrice and Benedick

REX

...are always insulting each other,

REGINA

so their friends decide that...

REX

...they doth protest too much.

REGINA

And their friends concoct a plan...

REX

...to pull a prank on them.

REGINA

They tell Beatrice that Benedick is crazy about her,

REX

and tell Benedick vice versa.

REGINA

And complications ensue.

REX

Complications ensue.

REGINA

So I was thinking...

REX

...we could pull the same prank

REGINA

for our BEA and BEN!

REGINA

We could pull a Beatrice and Benedick on our BEA and BEN.



("Shakespeare" chorus.)

Shakespeare will be our beacon. Shakespeare will be our guide. Shakespeare will show us what we're seekin' Shakespeare will take us for a ride.

("Shakespeare" tag verse.)

Shakespeare, all's well that ends well. As you like it, you will see loves labour lost. A comedy of errors, much ado-ing. We'll make a tempest! We'll let the cunning coin of fate be tossed! Let the coin of fate be tossed!


SCENE 5b: REX and REGINA Plot

(Still the reception room in the offices.)

8. SONG: "Let's have us some fun"

REGINA

So you tell BEN that BEA is crazy about him.

REX

And you the same vice versa for BEA.

REGINA

But...

REX

But?

REGINA

But what if BEA and BEN are really sweet on each other?

REX

You mean what if they're sweet on each other, but they don't want to admit it?

REGINA

Don't want to admit it, even to themselves.

REX

What if all these insults are simply a way to suppress their true feelings?

REGINA

To hide their true feelings from themselves?

REX

Feelings that upset them.

REGINA

Feelings they're afraid of.

REX

If they really are sweet on each other, and we pull this prank...

REGINA

...it could lead to awkward results.

REGINA

It could have embarrassing outcomes.

REX

It could cause quite a mess.



("Let's have some fun" verse 1.)

We don't want to cause any disruptions. We don't want to create any stress. But it's fun to play tricks and toss make-believe bricks, so let's have us some fun, whatever the mess.

("Let's have some fun" verse 2.)

We don't want to enkindle discomfort. We don't want to induce any strain. But it's fun to play jokes and make up a big hoax, (ALT: But it's fun to deceive with an ace up your sleeve.) so let's have us some fun, whatever the pain.

("Let's have some fun" chorus.)

It's nice to be thoughtful and decent, respectful and caring and kind. But we can't all be angels or high-minded saints, and it's more fun to be the maligned mastermind!

("Let's have some fun" verse 3.)

We don't want to provoke any problems. We don't want to make anyone pout. But it's fun to play games and make outlandish claims, so let's have us some fun, whatever comes out.


REX

This prank. It sounds like a dreadful deceit!

REGINA

A horrible hoax!

REX

So let's do it!

REGINA

Let's do it!


SCENE 6: BEA and BEN return

9. SONG: "I'm not surprised"

REX

I just heard the elevator. That's probably BEA and BEN.

(BEA and BEN enter.)

REGINA

BEN? BEA? Where's the take-out?

BEA

We couldn't agree.

BEN

BEA wouldn't agree on anything.

BEA

BEN wouldn't agree on anything.

REX

Well, REGINA, it seems that BEN wanted this, and BEA wanted that, and they couldn't agree.

REGINA

They couldn't agree.

REX

They wouldn't agree.



("I'm not surprised" verse 1.)

I'm not surprised. If I'd given it some thought I could have told you what would be. I'm not surprised. If I'd stopped to think it out I could have guessed what we would see. I'm not surprised.

("I'm not surprised" verse 2.)

I knew for sure, that the outcome would be just the outcome here before our eyes. I knew for sure, so the consequence we see surely offers no surprise. I knew for sure.

("I'm not surprised" chorus.)

Sometimes you see in the future. What's destined to be is as clear as a bell. When this one does that, then that one will do this. The details don't matter, the tea leaves will tell. Sometimes you know what will happen. You see it, you know it, no questions remain. The game may go on, but the outcome is the same. You get what you get and it's vain to complain.

("I'm not surprised" verse 3.)

We see it all. In our crystal ball the future is a plain and simple fact. We see it all. The mystery of what will be is a code that we have cracked. We see it all.


BEN

I'm going to go to our office, REX. I'll check for news on the vote.

BEA

I'm going to check the vote too, REGINA, in my office.

REGINA

Why don't the both of you check out the vote in BEN's office?

BEA

Ben's office? Check in BEN's office? I wouldn't believe anything his computer says!

BEN

You wouldn't understand anything my computer says!

(BEA and BEN exit to their respective offices.)


SCENE 7a: REGINA pranks BEA

NARRATOR

BEA, alone in her office.

10. SONG: "What a jerk!"

(A knock at the door.)

BEA

Come in?

(REGINA enters.)

REGINA

Hi, Bea.

BEA

Hi REGINA

REGINA

So this is really your office.

BEA

I spend more time here than I do in my apartment.

(Pause.)

REGINA

The weather's been pretty good lately.

BEA

Nothing to complain about.

REGINA

Why complain. It could always be worse.

BEA

Better to just take what comes.

REGINA

That sounds like a pretty good motto.

BEA

I'll try to remember it.

(Pause.)

REGINA

It's really too bad that your office is next door to... what's-his-name? ...that guy BEN. What a jerk.

BEA

A jerk?

REGINA

Really a jerk. He really seems to think he's in your league.

BEA

My league?

REGINA

He really thinks a woman like you would even consider a loser like...

BEA

A loser like..?

REGINA

That poor sap is really crazy about you.

BEA

Crazy about me?

REGINA

He really seems to think you'll have pity on him just because he's really gaga over you.

BEA

Gagaabout me?



("What a jerk" verse 1.)

He thinks a guy like him is in a league with such as you! He thinks you'd even give a glance his way. He thinks that you might overlook his defects and his flaws. He's hoping every dog will have his day. What a jerk!

("What a jerk" verse 2.)

He seems to think he's got a chance you might reciprocate. I don't see how he could have such presumed. He seems to think you might end up as man and wife or such. He doesn't realize his dreams are doomed. What a jerk.

("What a jerk" chorus.)

He's totally bonkers about you. His feelings are there on his face. He's smitten with passion, with yearning and hope. He can't see he's destined for scorn and disgrace.

("What a jerk" verse 3.)

I guess I feel some pity for a hopeless creep like him. I guess I feel compassion for his kind. But when I think that he has got romantic thoughts on you, I have to say I think he's lost his mind. What a jerk.

BEA

I don't know, REGINA.

REGINA

Trust me, BEA. I just want to help.


SCENE 7b: REX Pranks BEN

NARRATOR

BEN, in BEN and REX's office.

11. SONG: "Please don't hurt her"

(A knock at the door.)

BEN

Yes?

(REX enters.)

REX

Hi Ben.

BEN

Hi, Rex.

REX

Someday we ought to think about tidying up this office.

BEN

Even if we did, it would be back like this in a minute.

(Pause.)

REX

The weather's been pretty good lately.

BEN

Nothing to complain about.

REX

Why complain. It could always be worse.

BEN

Better to just take what comes.

REX

That sounds like a pretty good motto.

BEN

I'll try to remember it.

(Pause.)

REX

BENNY, there's been something I wanted to talk to you about.

BEN

Talk to me about?

REX

It's personal.

BEN

Personal?

REX

Oh, BENNY, please don't take advantage of BEA!

BEN

Take advantage of BEA?

REX

Please don't do it!

BEN

Don't do it?

REX

Oh, BENNY! You can see how she feels about you!

BEN

How she feels?

REX

You can see how she yearns for you, BENNY!

REX

Yearns for me?

REX

Oh, BENNY, don't! Don't take advantage of her love for you!

BEN

Her love for me?

REX

Be kind, BENNY! Give her the same respect you'd give to a little stray dog in the street!



("But please don't hurt her" verse 1.)

I know you like your fun, you like to mock. I know you like to trash, humiliate and smash. I know you think that kindness is a crock. But please don't hurt her.

("But please don't hurt her" verse 2.)

You like to disrespect, and show disdain. You like to scold and scorn, embarrass and besmirch, You seem to think that pity is a pain. But please don't hurt her.

("But please don't hurt her" chorus.)

You know that she loves you completely. You know she has feelings she cannot subdue. You see how she pines and she yearns and she aches. You know that she hopes you can feel that way too.

("But please don't hurt her" verse 3.)

You have to learn compassion. You have to have some heart. You have to see through others' eyes, you have to sympathize. You have to place the horse before the cart. And please don't hurt her.

BEN

I don't know, REX.

REX

Trust me, BENNY. I just want to help.


SCENE 8: REGINA & REX go for take-out

NARRATOR

BEN and REX, still in their office.

12. SONG: "Soup!"

(A knock at the door.)

BEN and REX

Come in. Hi, REGINA.

(REGINA enters.)

REGINA

Hi, Ben, Hi, Rex.

BEN

Where's BEA?

REGINA

She's back in her office checking the vote.

REX

Say, REGINA, suppose you and I go down for some take-out?

REGINA

You mean pizza or soup? Won't we get in a fight?

REX

Well, yes, we might get in a fight.

REGINA

Well fighting can be fun.

REX

Even fighting over food?

REGINA

Like who's-it and what's-her-name?

REX

Just like those two.

REGINA and REX

Let's give it a try.



("Soup" verse 1.)

(REGINA.) Soup is my absolute favorite dish! Soup is my preference I must have my wish! (REX.) Soup is insipid! Soup is mundane! Soup is just something you pour down the drain!

("Soup" verse 2.)

(REGINA.) Pizza is pasty! Gooey and fat. Pizza is something you'd feed to a cat. (REX.) Pizza's nutritious, it's chic and refined. Pizza is all of the good things combined.

("Soup" chorus.)

(REGINA & REX.) Arguments can be great fun. They keep you on your toes. You thrust and parry, duck and dodge, and then....and then... Who knows?

("Soup" verse 3.)

Perhaps we can seek out some other cuisine. Maybe this, maybe that, maybe something between. Something that might resolve everyone's doubts, Maybe quiche or a salad or brussels and sprouts.


REGINA

Let's go, REX.

REX

I'm with you, REGINA.

(REGINA & REX exit.)


SCENE 9: I don't care - BEA & BEN

13. SONG: "I don't care!"

(BEA and BEN are in their separate offices, and we interleave them.)

NARRATOR

BEN, alone in his office.

BEN

Well now, REX and REGINA have gone down for take-out, and BEA is back in her office.

So let me review the situation. REX told me that BEA is crazy about me. So it must be true.

(Pause.)

It must be true except...Except that when REX is pulling a prank on me, he always calls me "BENNY" instead of "BEN". And he called me "BENNY", over and over.

NARRATOR

BEA alone in her office.

BEA

Ben is crazy about me. REGINA told me so it must be true.

(Pause.)

It must be true except...Except that whenever REGINA is playing some kind of a trick on me, she always says "really", over and over. "Really" this, "really" that, "really" which, "really" what. And that's really what I really heard. Really.

BEN

So REX is pulling a prank on me. He's almost certainly pulling a prank on me. I can be sure that he's probably pulling a prank on me.

BEA

So REGINA is playing a trick on me. She's almost certainly playing a trick on me. I can be sure that she's probably playing a trick on me.

BEN

But still, I wonder. Is it possible? Is there any chance that BEA could... Is there...

("I don't care" verse 1.)

(BEN) Is there any possibility that she might look at me and think...romance? Could she maybe hope that someday I might smile at her and say... let's dance?

BEA

Still, I wonder. Is it possible? Is there any chance that BEN could...?

("I don't care" verse 2.)

(BEA) Does he maybe picture me dressed up in Daisy Dukes, a baseball cap and...high heel shoes? In a beauty pageant line-up would I be the bubble-butt he'd choose?

("I don't care" chorus.)

(BEN) Why would I ever have any concern about flowers and candles and honey-bunch and sweetie-pie and such. (BEA) How could I ever be letting myself give a thought to such tiresome and trivial trifles and trash. (BEN) Don't I have a good job a great dog and a beat-up Corvette? (BEA) Am I some silly girl always dreaming of some special guy? (BEN) Am I some kind of nothing who gets no regard? (BEA) A light-headed cheer-leader seeking a prince? (BEN) Shouldn't I be the guy that some girl would be hoping to get? (BEA) Can't I see that it's all just a popsicle pie in the sky? (BEN) I don't care how she feels! I don't care! I don't care! I don't care! (BEA) I don't care how he feels! I don't care! I don't care! I don't care!


BEN

But still again, if REX isn't pulling a prank. If there's any truth to what he says... After all, BEA might be a little bit sweet on me. She could do worse. So if she has some feelings for me, that would give me a chance to have some fun.

BEA

But still again, if REGINA isn't playing a trick... If there is any truth to what she says... If Ben is a bit hooked on me... After all, he could do worse. So if he does have some feelings for me, that would give me a chance to have fun.

BEN

So I'll check it out. Check it out shrewdly, of course.

BEA

So I'll investigate. Investigate subtly, of course.


SCENE 10a: BEA & BEN talk

14. SONG: "None of my business"

(BEA,still in her office.))

(A knock at the door.)

BEA

Come in!

(BEN enters.)

BEN

Hi,BEA.

BEA

Hi BEN

BEN

Well...

BEA

Well...

BEN

Busy?

BEA

I'm keeping at it. You too, I suppose? Keeping at it?

BEN

I've got a lot of irons in the fire.

(Pause.)

BEA

The weather's been pretty good lately.

BEN

Nothing to complain about.

BEA

Why complain. It could always be worse.

BEN

Better to just take what comes.

BEA

That sounds like a pretty good motto.

BEN

I'll try to remember it.

(Pause.)



("It's none of my business" first chorus. )

(BEN) Now don't think I'm being nosy. Don't think I'm trying to pry. I'm just making conversation, If you think I'm intruding just tell me 'Goodbye'.

("It's none of my business" verse 1. )

(BEN) Now it's none of my business, but... how about social pursuits? Any action? (BEA) Sometimes I phone my ex-college roommate. She almost got married last year. (BEN) Any 'almost' for you? Marriage? Romance? (BEA) I water my plants and tend my career.

("It's none of my business" second chorus. )

(BEA) Now I'm not inclined to meddle, or question private stuff. I'm just making idle chit-chat. If you think I'm presumptuous then just say 'Enough'.

("It's none of my business" verse 2. )

(BEA) Now it's none of my business, but... what about dating and such? Any 'almost'? (BEN) Work always seems to fill up my schedule. The 'almost' will just have to wait. (BEA) No moonlight cruises? Messing around? (BEN) I can't quite recall my last dinner-date.


BEA

Your last dinner date? Maybe there wasn't a last dinner date. Are you sure you've ever had a dinner date? Or any date?

BEN

Are you asking to see my drawer full of souvenir panties?

BEA

You mean the souvenier panties that still have the price tag from when you bought them at Walmart?

BEN

Good one. I won't try to top it.


SCENE 10b: BEA and BEN discuss

15. SONG: "I love you (preliminary rendition)

(BEA and BEN still in BEN's office.)

BEA

BEN, you know how we always insult each other?

BEN

One good insult deserves another.

BEA

But, people could get the wrong idea.

BEN

Wrong idea?

BEA

When we insult each other, people might speculate...

BEN

Speculate?

BEA

When we insult each other, people might suspect we're trying to hide something.

BEN

Trying to hide something? Hide what?

BEA

Hide that we...well...that we like each other.

BEN

You mean like in "Much Ado About Nothing"?

BEA

"Much Ado About Nothing"?

BEN

The original Beatrice and Benedick. The other ones.

BEA

So you've read Shakespeare? "Much Ado..."?

BEN

Sort of.

BEA

Sort of?

BEN

The Cliff Notes.

BEA

You read the Cliff Notes?

BEN

My college roommate did...sort of.

BEA

Sort of?

BEN

We paid his kid sister to read the Cliff Notes and tell us the story.

BEA

And so his kid sister explained...

BEN

Beatrice and Benedick are always arguing.

BEA

And their friends think that they doth protest too much.

BEN

So their friends pull a prank...

BEA

And tell Beatrice that Benedick is crazy about her,

BEN

Then tell Benedick the same, vice versa.

BEA

Complications ensue.

BEN

Complications ensue.

BEA

Well, REGINA told me this wild story. She said that you're bonkers about me, and you're a jerk to believe that a woman like me would have time for a dipstick like you. And REX? What did he say?

BEN

He pleaded with me not to mock and make fun of your hopeless love for me.

BEA

And you didn't fall for it?

BEN

Whenever REX is pulling a prank on me he calls me "BENNY" instead of "BEN".

BEA

REGINA also has a tip-off. She says "really", over and over again. Really. She really does.

BEN

So REGINA and REX have certainly been conniving.

BEA

Pulling some sort of prank.

BEN

REX wants me to believe that you think about me all day.

BEA

REGINA wants me to think that you dream of me all night.

BEN

I didn't believe a thing REX told me, not a thing!

BEA

And I didn't fall for a word of REGINA's story, not a word!

BEN

I knew it was crazy to think that you were crazy for me! Just crazy!

BEA

And I never thought for a moment that you could be yearning me! Not for a moment!

BEN

What could REX have expected?

BEA

What was REGINA thinking?

BEN

Did he think that I'd burst in and blurt out some bubble-head blather? Did he think I'd play a trumpet fanfare, then look at you devotedly and say...



("I love you!" verse 1.)

(BEN) I love you! There! I've said it loud and clear! No more hiding how I feel. Now I'm shouting what I can't conceal. Now I'm living what is real! I love you! Now I'm swinging from the chandelier!


BEA

Did REGINA expect me to write you a love-letter? Did she figure I'd write something stupid? Something like...



("I love you!" verse 2.)

(BEA) I love you! Wow! I've said it! Now it's known! No more keeping it inside. Now I'm saying what I once denied. Nothing more I need to hide. I love you! I'm a queen upon a throne!


SCENE 10c. BEA & BEN Rehearse

16. SONG: "Just pretending"

(BEA & BEN still in BEN & REX's office.)

BEN

Did REX want to see me humiliated? Did he figure you'd laugh and say, "Ben! You idiot! I may love Butter Bean soup, but I sure don't love you"!

BEA

Did REGINA think I'd be cruel? Did she think I'd play some kind of joke on you and pretend...

BEN

That's it! Pretend! We could pretend!

BEA

Pretend?

BEN

We could pretend their prank worked!

BEA

You mean we'd pretend their prank unlocked our hidden yearnings?

BEN

We'd pretend their prank unleashed our love!

BEA

Pretend that their prank brought us together at last!

BEN

Pretend that after REX pranked me, I came to you and said, "BEA! BEA!"

BEA

And I looked at you and said, "BEN! Oh, BEN!".

BEN

Then we'd act like a loving couple.

BEA

I'm not sure just what we would do. I mean,

BEN

I'd call you "honey". Just pretending.

BEA

So I'd call you "darling". Just pretending.



("Pretending" verse 1.)

Pretending! Just pretending! A charade we've made with malice to deceive! Pretending! We're only pretending! We're just acting and it's only make-believe!


BEA

Maybe hold hands? Just pretending?

BEN

I guess so. Just pretending.



("Pretending" verse 2.)

Pretending! Just pretending! A masquerade we're faking for some fun. Pretending! It's only pretending!< And we'll get the last laugh when we get it done.


BEN

Maybe I'd put my arm around you. Just pretending?

BEA

Sure. Just pretending.



("Pretending" chorus.)

We know we'd never really do the sort of things we're gonna do. We know we don't mean what we're gonna say. We know we're gonna look a lot like lovesick little loons. But we know that if we want to win the game we've got to play.


BEN

Then I could gaze at you lovingly, just pretending!

BEA

And I could blush like a helpless maiden, just pretending!



("Pretending" verse 3.)

Pretending! Just pretending! A fraud! A hoax we cooked up to amuse! Pretending! We're only pretending! To get the bang we've got to light the fuse!


BEA

And I guess I could straighten your collar. Just pretending.

BEN

And you could pick fleas off my back...

BEA

Pick fleas off your back! If you even pretend you've got fleas on your back the whole deal's off.

BEN

I don't think we'd have to kiss.

BEA

Absolutely not! No kissing!

BEN

No kissing for sure. So we're set. When we see REX and REGINA we'll act like a honey-bunch couple, holding hands and hugging.

BEA

But no kissing.

BEN

No kissing.

BEA

Let's see if REGINA and REX are back.


SCENE 11a: BEA & BEN Prank REGINA & REX

17. SONG: We're in love!

NARRATOR

BEA and BEN, in the reception room.

(BEA and BEN enter.)

BEA

REGINA and REX aren't back yet.

BEN

They must be getting a load of stuff.

BEA

If we get through this prank we've got planned, I'm getting an Oscar for Best Actress in an Awkward Role.

BEN

And me, for Best Stunt Man. What's taking them so long.

(REX and REGINA enter.)

BEA

Here they are. Where's the food, REGINA?

REGINA

The shops downstairs were closed.

REX

So we just got some coffee across the street.

BEA

That's OK.

BEN

No problem.

(Pause.)

REGINA

The weather's been pretty good lately.

BEA

Nothing I'd complain about.

REX

Why complain. It could always be worse.

BEN

Better to just take what comes.

REGINA

That sounds like a pretty good motto.

BEN

I'll try to remember it.

(Pause.)

REGINA

You two are acting...sort of strange.

REX

Sort of quiet.

BEN

Everything's changed, REX.

BEA

Everything's new, REGINA.



("We're in love" verse 1.)

It's a brand new day! It's a winner, hip hooray! It's a whole new game in every way! We've discovered the world! We've determined our fate! Now our flag is unfurled! We have opened up the gate! We're in love!

("We're in love" verse 2.)

It's the best it's been! It's a new way to begin! It's a race we're born to run and win! We have captured the prize! We have planted our flag! We have danced in the skies! We have zigged our last damn zag! We're in love!


(Dialogue.)

BEA

I've become someone new, REGINA.

BEN

I finally know who I am, REX.

BEN

I'm no longer just BEN. I'm a part of BEA and BEN.

BEA

And I'm the other part. BEN's partner.

BEN

And soon, my wife.

BEA

Missus BENEDICT.

REGINA

Missus BENEDICT?


("We're in love" chorus.)

We've learned how the world can stop and turn around. We've seen how the sun can show us what we've found. And now we can ride the winged horse through the sky. And now we will never say good-bye!

("We're in love" verse 3.)

Now we've taken aim, and we've come to play the game, nothing's ever gonna be the same. We've got plans to achieve, and we mustn't be late. We've got dreams to believe, and our future looks just great.

(Dialogue.)

BEA

Oh, REGINA, after you told me how BEN felt I couldn't conceal how I worship him!

BEN

And REX, my love for BEA beamed out when you told me she might welcome my devotion.

BEA

Oh, BEN!

BEN

Oh, BEA!

BEA

My darling!

BEN

My love!

REX

My God!

REGINA

My, my!


SCENE 11b: BEA & BEN Panic

18. SONG: "Slow down!"

(BEA, REGINA, BEN, and REX still in BEN and REX's office.)

BEA

Just think, REGINA! Me. Missus BENEDICT. Missus BENJAMIN BENEDICT.

BEN

The big step, REX! Husband and wife!

REGINA

Oh, BEA! I'm so happy for you!

REX

Congratulations BEN!

REGINA

We'll have to celebrate!

REX

We'll have an office party!

REGINA

Let's figure on tomorrow night!

REX

I'll text the invitations! Right now!

BEN

Text the invitations? Right now?!

BEA

Oh, BEN! This is getting out of hand!

BEN

It's totally out of control!

REX

We've got to let everyone know about you and BEA!

REGINA

We've got to spread the word!



("Slow down" verse 1.)

Slow down! Don't rush! Just relax! Don't stampede! This isn't a race. We need to stop! We need to think! We're standing on the brink! Slow down! Don't rush! Just relax!


REX

I've got to tell all of our friends! And I'll post a paper notice just in case!

REGINA

Oh, BEA! I can't wait to tell mother! I'll phone her right now!

BEA

Phone mother?! Phone her now?!

BEN

This is going to explode, BEA!

REGINA

Mother will be so happy!



("Slow down" verse 2.)

Wait up! Ease back! Not so fast! Why the rush? There's plenty of time! We need to pause! We need to rest! We're almost over-stressed! Wait up! Ease back! Not so fast!


REGINA

This news just won't wait, it's too good! And before you know you'll hear the church bells chime!

REX

What great news! We've got to let the whole world know!

REGINA

We've got to let the whole universe know!

BEN

There's no rush!

BEA

We don't have to hurry!



("Slow down" chorus.)

We all need some time for reflection. A moment or two to sit back and take stock. So stop and unwind, don't jump off the deep end. Deeds done in haste likely lead to a shock.


REX

What a surprise, REGINA! I would never have guessed it!

REGINA

It's like a giant space-ship came down and hung a giant rose on the Washington Monument!

REX

Time for a party!

REGINA

A giant big party!



("Slow down" verse 3.)

Hold on! Unwind! Take a break! Why the fuss? Let's let up and think! We need to pause and take a breath! We're facing certain death! Hold on! Unwind! Take a break!


REGINA & REX

We've got to move fast, get things done! Sit back and we'll do everything before you even blink.

SCENE 12a: BONNY & BARRY show up

19. SONG: "Whenever"

(BEA, REGINA, BEN, and REX still in BEN and REX's office.))

(A knock at the door.)

REX

I wonder who that is?

BEN

Is anyone expecting anyone?

BEA

Who could it be?

(Another knock at the door.)

REGINA

There's one good way to find out.

(One more knock at the door.)

REX

Come in!

(BONNY & BARRY enter.)

Aunt BONNY! Uncle BARRY!

BARRY

Hi, REX!

BONNY

Hi, REX!

REX

I thought you folks were coming here tomorrow!

BARRY

We came early. A discount flight.

BONNY

How are you, REX! Have you been eating enough!

BARRY

BONNY is going to be cooking you up some Caribbean food for sure, REX!

REX

And how is your hotel, BARRY? The bed & breakfast you folks run?

BARRY

Beaches & Bingo? The best bed & breakfast you'll find on Barbados!

REX

I remember it! The beach, the pool, the cabanas, the restaurant on the patio!

BONNY

And the bingo!

BARRY

The bingo! The bingo was BONNY's idea. Everyone loves it! Bingo on the beach in Barbados!

BEA

Sounds like a good life.

BONNY

Oh, it is, for sure.

BARRY

I do all the construction and maintenance.

BEN

You do all your own construction?

BARRY

Every bit. That way it gets done the right way. And BONNY runs the office and does the promotion.

BEA

You run the place?

BONNY

Yes. And I run it the way that it ought to be run.

BARRY

BONNY and I used to work for big companies.

BONNY

But running our own B&B turned out better for both of us.

BARRY

I like working with BONNY, running a business with her.




("Whenever" lead-in and verse 1.)

Working with my wife and the job becomes part of my regular life. I can see her whenever I want, maybe just to have a look, Check out what she's wearing, take in her smile, maybe try to read...what's in her secret book.


BONNY

And when I'm talking with a guest or tapping on my laptop, I smile when I think that BARRY's right outside or somewhere around.

("Whenever" lead-in and verse 2.)

Working with my sweetheart and the job is the home, we don't keep them apart. I can reach him whenever I want, maybe just to have a talk, Pick up what he's thinking, get his ideas, Maybe sit somewhere, or even take a walk.

("Whenever" chorus.)

(BARRY) Whenever I want to enjoy her. Whenever I want to annoy her. Whenever. (BONNY) Whenever I want to engage him. Whenever I want to outrage him Whenever. (BONNY & BARRY) Whenever.


(Dialogue.)

BARRY

My partner's my wife.

BONNY

My husband's my partner.



("Whenever" lead-in and verse 3.)

Working side by side, we let love be out guide, and the world opens wide. (BARRY) I can grab her whenever I want, (BONNY) Maybe just to fool around. (BARRY) Find out if she's ready, (BONNY) see if he's game, (BONNY) Maybe turn our bed... into a bouncing breeding ground.

("Whenever" tag.)

The days go by like flowers in a stream. We poke and prod and tease. We make our memories. And learn from birds and bees. Passion in our eyes, and a love that never dies. Hand in hand, like we planned. Ain't it grand.


SCENE 12b: BONNY & BARRY Whoop-de-doo

20. SONG: "Whoop de doo!"

BARRY

So we find ourselves smiling a lot.

BONNY

Smiling, and acting just a little bit goofy.



("Whoop-de-doo" verse 1.)

Whoop-de-doo! Every morning there's a sunrise again. Whoop-de-doo! Every day a rainbow out of the blue. Whoop-de-doo! Every evening there's a sunset and then Whoop-de-doo! Every night we whoop-de-doo!

("Whoop-de-doo!" verse 2.)

Whoop-de-doo! Things don't always work out just as we planned. Whoop-de-doo! Sometimes trouble comes along and walks in. Whoop-de-doo! But we always muddle through anyway. Whoop-de-doo! And we do it with a grin.

("Whoop-de-doo!" chorus.)

Now you may say we're empty-headed. You may say that we're not sincere. You may say 'Read the news, form some views'. Beg your pardon? Speak louder! We just didn't hear.

("Whoop-de-doo!" verse 3.)

Whoop-de-doo! This is our life! This is our time to live. Whoop-de-doo! So we try to make the best of today. Whoop-de-doo! Some folks may think we are dopey and dull. Whoop-de-doo! Whoop-de-doo! is what we say. Whoop-de-doo!


SCENE 12c: BONNY & BARRY Might Have Been

21. SONG: "Another might-have-been"

BEA

How long have you folks been married?

BARRY

Quite a while. How long has it...

BONNY

Years and years and years.

BARRY

We almost didn't get married.

BONNY

I got a job offer from Bermuda, and I was going to take it.

BARRY

I knew it was now or never.

BONNY

We went out to dinner that evening.

BARRY

I was debating with myself the whole time.

BONNY

I could tell he was distracted.

BARRY

Then the check came...

BONNY

..and we were about to go our separate ways...

BARRY

Now or never. I popped the question.

BONNY

And now or never, I said 'yes'.

BARRY

So without "now-or-never"...

BONNY

Beaches & Bingo would be just another might-have been.



("Another might-have-been" verse 1.)

You see the door that's open, the door that's open wide, but it's closing up while you are still outside. No time to dither, chances never come again. This moment could end up as just another might-have-been.


B

And it was now-or-never when we bought the B&B.

BARRY

We were on vacation in Barbados...

BONNY

We saw the B & B listed in a real estate window.

BARRY

BONNY ran some spread-sheets.

BONNY

And BARRY checked the plumbing and such.

BARRY

And we put in an offer in the morning.

BARRY

Then after we closed the deal, some hotel chain made a better offer.

BONNY

But the B&B was already ours.



("Another might-have-been" verse 2.)

You see the game that's going, the wager you could make. But you've got to place your bet to have a stake. No time to dally, you know what it takes to win. This moment could end up as just another might-have-been.


BONNY

But all good things have their time.

BARRY

And for us, it's time to move on.

BONNY

Someone just offered to buy out Beaches & Bingo.

BARRY

And we said 'yes'.

BONNY

The kids are all grown-up and gone,

BARRY

so this seemed the right time for us to retire.

BONNY

Retire and travel the world.

BARRY

Andorra!

BONNY

Albania!

BARRY

Austria!

BONNY

Turkmenistan!

BARRY

Kurgistan!

BONNY

Tahiti-stan!

BARRY

Canada!



("Another might-have-been" chorus.)

The path not taken, the deed not done. The chance forsaken, the prize not won. Time flies like an arrow, and yesterday is gone for good. You can't do now what once you could.


BONNY

But the deal fell through.

BARRY

We could show that the place turned a profit each year.

BONNY

And we'd finance the sale.

BARRY

We even agreed to stay on a few months to show the new owners the ropes.

BONNY

But the buyers backed out.

BARRY

I guess they weren't the right sort to run a B&B in Barbados.

BONNY

But our agent says the place will sell right away.

BARRY

A few days at most.

BONNY

Life is a merry-go-round.

BARRY

...and Beaches & Bingo a Golden Ring someone will grab.



("Another might-have-been" verse 3.)

You see the race that's starting. You may not have a prayer. But you'll never know unless you take the dare. No time to dawdle, are you out or are you in. This moment could end up as just another might-have-been.


SCENE 12d: BEA & BEN oonfess

22. Dialogue - BEA & BEN confess

BEN

You say Beaches & Bingo will sell in a day?

BARRY

A week at most. It's a heck of a deal.

BEN

Beaches & Bingo. A Golden Ring. I just might buy it! I'd do the construction myself, and hire someone else to manage the place.

BEA

Hold on! Hold on! Hold on! I want to buy Beaches & Bingo! It's my Golden Ring. I'll run the office and manage the place, and hire someone else to do the repairs and construction.

BEN

I could buy it and hire you to manage the...

BEA

I could buy it and hire you to do the con...

BEN

I got the idea first.

BEA

First doesn't matter! What...

REX

Stop! Ease up! What's this all about!

REGINA

You two are getting married! Aren't you?

BEA

No.

BEN

No.

REGINA

No?!

BEA

No! When you said BEN was crazy about me, I spotted a Beatrice & Benedick trick.

BEN

And I saw through your scheme too, REX.

BEA

So we figured we'd have some fun.

BEN

And pretend that your gags really worked.

REGINA

So you and Ben aren't sweethearts?

BEA

Well...I mean...

REX

And Ben, you and Bea aren't a twosome?

BEN

I mean...Well...

REX

Face up, BEN! Look at BEA and say "You are not my sweetheart"!

REGINA

Lay it down BEA. Tell BEN "We are not a twosome"!

REX

Who do you think will first, REGINA?

REGINA

They're both afraid to go first!

BEA

BEN!

BEN

BEA!

BEA

BEN?

BEN

BEA?

BEA

Oh,BEN!

BEN

Oh, BEA!


SCENE 12e: BEA & BEN "I love you" (reprise)

23. SONG: "I love you" (full rendition)


("I love you!" verse 1.)

(BEN) I love you! There! I've said it loud and clear! No more hiding how I feel. Now I'm shouting what I can't conceal. Now I'm living what is real! I love you! Now I'm swinging from the chandelier!

("I love you!" verse 2.)

(BEA) I love you! Wow! I've said it! Now it's known! No more keeping it inside. Now I'm saying what I once denied. Nothing more I need to hide. I love you! I'm a queen upon a throne!


(BEA & BEN interlude.)

BEN

And BEA, the B&B, Beaches & Bingo...

BEA

We'll buy it, won't we?

BEN

For sure.

BEA

Our Golden Ring!

BEN

OK! BONNY? BARRY? You've got your buyers?

BONNY

Sold!

BARRY

Congratulations!



("I love you!" chorus.)

(BEN) The roses are blooming, the robin's are singing, the sky is a new shade of blue. I'm jumping for joy and I'm shouting a cheer and I'm singing like a crazy kazoo! (BEA) The roses are blooming, the robin's are singing, the sky is a new shade of blue. I'm twirling on tiptoes and twisting and twinkling and shouting out a grand yahoo!


(BONNY & BARRY interlude.)

BONNY

Well, BARRY, first we'll get BEA and BEN set up in Beaches & Bingo.

BARRY

Then we'll be off to see the world!

BARRY

And singing "Whoop-de-doo" the whole way 'round!

BONNY

Whoop-de-doo!



("I love you!" verse 3.)

I love you! Now we've set our feelings free! No more locking up our love You and I are hand and glove. Push has fin'ly come to shove! I love you! You and I are what we always were meant to be!


SCENE 12f: Closing Number

REX

Well the events of today have taught us one great lesson.

REGINA

It certainly has.

BEA

One great lesson we all should remember.

BEN

One great lesson to listen to all of our lives.

BONNY

And just what exactly is this one great lesson?

BARRY

Yes,what should we have learned?

24. SONG: "Do what's right" (reprise - addressed to audience)


("Do what's right" verse 1.)

Do what's right. Do your duty even though you have to fight. Be prepared to take a stand. Be audacious, brave and grand. Be the one to set the path and show the light! Do what's right.


(BEA & BEN interlude.)

BEA

BEN, honey, between you and me, don't you think REX and REGINA are sort of... suitable?

BEN

Indeed, BEA, they do seem consonant.

BEA

Do you think we could sort of...

BEN

With a Beatrice & Benedick prank?

BEA

What goes around...

BEN

...around will come.



("Do what's right" verse 2.)

Do what's good. Do the thing you know is what you know you should. Be the one who stands in front. Be the one who bears the brunt. Be the one who will not be misunderstood. Do what's good.


(BEN - REX Interlude.)

BEN

Watch out for REGINA, REX. She's got plans for you.

REX

Plans for me?

BEN

She already told BEA to reserve the Honeymoon Suite for next month.



("Do what's right" chorus.)

The road may be rough, you may falter you may fail but you must persevere to the end. So don't be discouraged, take the tiger by the tail. And hope...that fortune is your friend.


(BEA - REGINA Interlude.)

BEA

Just so you'll know, REGINA, I heard REX asking BEN what he thought about married folks working together.

REGINA

Married? Working together?

BEA

I think he's got plans on you, for the office and the alter.



("Do what's right" verse 3.)

Do what's nice. Do the righteous even though you pay a price. Be the one who never squabbles. Be the one who never wobbles. Be the one who's always got the right advice. Do what's nice.


(REGINA & REX interlude.)

REGINA

Well, REX, I presume that BEN has told you...

REX

He told me you're already planning our honeymoon. And BEA must have told you...

REGINA

She said you figure we're going to be working together after we're married. I was expecting some such prank.

REX

So predictable. But...

REGINA

But what?

REX

Perhaps...

REGINA

Perhaps...

REX

Perhaps...you and I could do lunch?

REGINA

Do lunch! Oh REX! Yes! Let's do lunch!

REX

REGINA! REGINA! I'm so happy you said you'll do lunch with me!

REGINA

I've always dreamed that someday a man named REX would ask me to do lunch!

REX

Imagine! You, REGINA BAILEY, doing lunch with me, REX BURNHAM!

REGINA

Wait a minute!

REX

Wait a minute?

REGINA

Think about it!

REX

Think about it?

REGIINA

You. REX. REX BURNHAM. And me. REGINA. REGINA BAILEY!

REX

BURNHAM and BAILEY!

REGINA

BURNHAM and BAILEY!

REGINA and REX

The Greatest Show on Earth!



("Do what's right" tag verse.)

Do what's fun. Then at least you'll like the race you're gonna run. Be the one who never buckles. Be the one who always chuckles. Be the one whose smile will never be outdone. Do what's fun! Do what's nice! Do what's good!

REGINA

Wait! Wait! Wait!

REX

Wait?

BEA

Wait?

BEN

Wait?

REGINA

What about the Baker-Beckham Bill?

BONNY

The Baker-Beckham Bill?

BARRY

What's the Baker-Beckham Bill?

BEA

Who knows!

BEN

Who cares!

   Do what's fun!
   Do what's nice!
   Do what's good!

   Do what's right!


25. SONG: Exit Music