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(BOBBY enters with an armload of music.)
BOBBY
I am the director Point my finger, wave my hand What you see is what I planned. What I see is truly grand. I am the director. I am the director. What I say is what you see. Everything is up to me. Everything as I decree. I am the director. The drama and the art you see the darkness and the light I take the work that's on the page and send it on its flight I am the director. but I'm modest, and humane. True respect I never feign. All will prosper in my reign. I am the director.
(A knock at the door. )
That will be SUSIE SILVERTONE. SUSIE, SUSIE SILVERTONE. Exciting, elegant, exquisite SUSIE SILVERTONE!(BOBBY opens the door.)
Come in, SUSIE!(TONY enters, in a telegram delivery boy uniform.)
(BOBBY takes the telegram. TONY starts to leave.)
TONY
I'll sing! I'll perform! I'll be a basso op'ra star and live up on the stage. I'll be an artist worhipped from afar. I'll sing! I'll inspire! I'll make the people laugh and cry, I'll make the people cheer. I'll be the basso reaching for the sky. They say that ladies can't resist a star. They say that ladies chase us down no matter where we are. I'll sing! I'll excite! I'll be the flame, I'll light the fire, I'll make the people burn. I'll be the basso reaching ever higher.
(TONY leaves.)
(BOBBY opens the telegram and reads aloud.)
From SUSY SILVERTONE. A telegram from SUSIE SILVERTONE. That's no surprise. That's no surprise at all. I can guess. I can guess what it will be. Quote.Dearest Bobby, I have to weasel out. I hate to let you down. But I must do what I must do. That's what life's all about. Love and kisses, SUSY SILVERTONE.End quote.
(A knock at the door.)
The door again. Who could that be? Come in!(HELEN enters tentatively, looking around.)
(BOBBY hands HELEN a score)
(HELEN removes her coat)
(HELEN takes a breath to sing, then turns to BOBBIE.)
HELEN
Sunrise. Dawn on Biscayne Bay. Sea birds. Watch them laugh and play. Children. Climbing in the trees. Breakfast. Pass the sugar please. All the things we lov'd to do together. They remain but you are gone. I remember all the joys we knew. I remember all my joy in you. Where are you? Where are you? Where are you, my darling. Where are you as the days go on. Where am I? Where am I? Where am I, without you. How can I, how can I go on. How can you? How can you? How can you not be here? How could you leave me on my own. How can I? How can I? How can I be with you? As we were, as we were, before? Before? Sunrise. Dawn on Biscayne Bay. Farewell. Farewell. Farewell. Farewell.
(A knock at the door.)
(SUSIE enters.)
(SUSIE picks up a score.)
Ah, the scores. Is this song mine? My song? It better be the best. But never mind. Which ever one I sing will be the best.SUSIE
Love's a little angel, flitting round your head. Love's a fluffy pillow, there upon your bed. Love's a tiny kitten, playing on the floor. Love's a snuggly bunny, knocking at your door. "Love's a snuggly bunny"??? "Knocking at your door"??? Love's a bother. Love's a bore. Love's a bother, love's a bore. Makes me sour, makes me sore. Takes the wind out of my sails. Leaves me eating frogs and snails. Love's a bother, love's a bore. Makes me glower, makes me snore. Leaves me walking round and round. Leaves me talking with no sound. I grit and grumble. I grin and glow. I tell myself to take it slow. I wait and wonder. I watch and wish. I flop and flounder, like a fish. Like a fish. Love's a bother, love's a bore. Makes me shower, like a whore. Makes me belch and burp and wheeze. Leaves me walking on my knees. Then the man smiles. And he grins. And he laughs like church bells on a wedding afternoon. and fireworks pop and flash and leave me giggling like a loon. Some day he will smile at me, some day wait and see. Some day he will reach for me, and I will reach for the sky. Some day he will turn to me some day that will be. Some day he will learn to see and I will learn how to fly.(Vocalising.)
Ah______, Ah______, Ah______, Ah______, Ah______, Ah______. Some day he may smile at me, some day....some day...some day. Like I said so much before, love's a bother... Love may cause me awful grief. I may never find relief. I'll be wreck'd upon a reef, like a bun that has no beef. Love may be an awful bore, leave me knocking at the door. But 'til I get that winning score, I'll be coming, I'll be coming, I'll be coming back for more.
SUSIE
Sopranos all are famed for being sweet and kind.HELEN
for helping one another, nicer folks you'll never find.BOBBY
[To audience] Something's not quite right here, This all sounds too sweet. With two sopranos in one room, there should be sparks and heat.HELEN
Sopranos just can't help it. Some are better some are not.SUSIE
That's just the way that life is. Simply do with what you've got.BOBBY
That's it! The competition Now we'll soon hear fights and screams. This sort of scene is sure to make a nightmare of my dreams.SUSIE
Sopranos know that talent should be given a salute.HELEN
The best receive top billing,SUSIE and HELEN
and the rest get flowers and fruit.HELEN
Sopranos must acknowledgeSUSIE
when a better one's at hand.HELEN
Just step aside and curtsey,SUSIE and HELEN
smile and cheer the truly grand.BOBBY
Please, ladies, this is opera not some boxing match Fight and you'll get chickens that you didn't want to hatch.SUSIE
I see we both agree on protocol and courtesy. So there is now no room for doubt. Top billing goes to me.HELEN
I must correct your thinking. You're only almost right. Top billing's for the top, that's me So let us have no fight.BOBBY
I've got to find some way to make some sort of compromise. But that will not be easy when there's only one damn prize.SUSIE
Well, if you think you are the best, your judgement's fake and flawed. Top billing is for talent, not for some ass-wiggling broadHELEN
The only wiggling here is when you squeeze into some dress that you outgrew five years ago when you weighed ten pounds less.BOBBY
This will cause me misery, and agony. What sin did I commit to get this wretched destinySUSIE
Your voice could make an angel fall wounded from the sky.HELEN
If you should ever sing on key, it's on your seventh try.SUSIE
You warble and you wobble, and morticians even laugh.HELEN
When you attempt to find the notes, you miss the most by half.SUSIE
Your high notes sound like sirens, or a dying dinosaur.HELEN
Your trills make dogs and horses howl, make countries go to war.BOBBY
Ladies, ladies, ladies, let's say nothing we'll regret. Burning bridges hasn't helped us cross the river yet. Shake a hand and say hello and then say how are you.SUSIE
Honking goose!HELEN
Howling moose!SUSIE
Groaning cow!HELEN
Grunting sow!SUSIE
Screeching cat!HELEN
Squealing rat!SUSIE
Shrieking chimp!HELEN
Squeaking shrimp!SUSIE
Whining dog!HELEN
Whimpering frog!SUSIE
Yowling ox!HELEN
Yammering fox!SUSIE
You really are...HELEN
You're nothing but...SUSIE
You ought to beHELEN
You're simply just...SUSIE and HELEN
An alto!BOBBY
Disruption! Disaster! Discombobulation! Disestablishmentarianism!(TONY enters from the the auditorium rear.)
TONY
Meow!______SUSIE
What's that?HELEN
What's that?BOBBY
What's that?SUSIE
What is that awful cry?TONY
MEOW!__________SUSIE
Who's that?HELEN
Who's that?BOBBY
Who's that?HELEN
That cry could fry a fly!TONY
Cat fight! I hear a cat fight! Soprano cat fight!SUSIE
Cat fight?HELEN
Cat fight?BOBBY
Cat fight? Nobody sound of mind would ever use a word like that. Especially with sopranos here to claw him like a rat.TONY
Those bickering sopranos can be heard a mile away. When they don't sound like cats they sound like horses when they bray.BOBBY
Ah, it's TONY.SUSIE
TONY?HELEN
TONY?BOBBY
TONY. TONY the telegraph boyTONY
TONY the basso. Just in time to help you with these squabbling alley cats. In olden days sopranos sometimes got a spanking. But that was then and nowadays we'd never...SUSIE
Where's my jacket.(SUSIE puts on her jacket.)
HELEN
What did I do with my coat.(HELEN puts on her coat.)
SUSIE
That basso is insufferable. I'm walking out of here.HELEN
Me too. That foul-mouthed jerk deserves a good kick in the rear.(HELEN notices the design on SUSIE's coat.)
Your coat! The needle-point design. Did you do that yourself?SUSIE
My hobby and my passion.(SUSIE notices the design on HELEN's jacket.)
Your jacket too came off no shelf.HELEN
Oh! You've got a little snuggly bunny! He's so cute!SUSIE
I just love snuggly little bunnies,SUSIE and HELEN
They're so cute!HELEN
Where did you get that pattern? Is that your own design?SUSIE
Yes I do my own designs, that way they're truly mine.BOBBY
Now, ladies, all your arguments, top billing and the rest. I'm sure that I can somehow work it out so you will both feel blessed.SUSIE
Bobby, Bobby,HELEN
Bobby Baby,SUSIE and HELEN
Worry you no more.HELEN
We'll work it out in needle-pointSUSIE
and then tell you the score.BOBBY
I sense a great serenity,BOBBY and TONY
descending on our stage.ALL
It's time for the Finale. Time to turn the page.
(Opening verse - ensemble)
Singing is our business, make-up is our face. Dancing? Yes, we do that, too. 'cause downstage is our place.(Opening chorus)
ENSEMBLE
Raise the curtain, start the show. We're not ready, but who's to know. It's time to see what we can do. We'll make it if our luck comes through, so raise the curtain, start the show.(Partial chorus)
BOBBY and TONY
Raise the curtain. Raise the curtain.(Background verses for HELEN and SUSIE's dialogue )
BOBBY and TONY
Want to change the script? Maybe add a song? Tweak and twist and try again. We know that no way's wrong. Want to tour the towns? Put us on a bus. Buggy beds and batty bores, you'll hear no whine from us.(HELEN and SUSIE's dialogue)
SUSIE
HELEN you seem a little nervous, fretful, and unsure.HELEN
SUSIE it's just a case of jitters, concentration is the cure.SUSIE
HELEN you've got a jones for TONY That's worse than cold or flu.HELEN
SUSIE he's got me in a flutter, I don't know what to do. I hear his basso voice and, oh, my toes just seem to curl. He smiles and winks and I become a giggling little girl.SUSIE
Well I am no physician, not even a Confucian. But if TONY is the problem, then TONY is the solution.(Partial chorus)
BOBBY and SUSIE
Raise the curtain. Raise the curtain.(Background verses for HELEN and TONY's dialogue)
BOBBY and SUSIE
We have learned our craft. We stand where we start. We have done the deal, and so the head is in the heart. Some shows are a hit Some shows are a dud. We still work for curtain calls the ham is in the blood.(HELEN and TONY's dialogue)
HELEN
TONY, I hear that you're from Canada? it must be cold up there!TONY
HELEN, the cold is thirty-two below, the wind could freeze your hair.HELEN
I guess you don't know many folks, if you've just moved down here.TONY
It's hard to get acquainted. My social life is austere.HELEN
This Friday night, have you got plans? It's my sister's birthday dinner.TONY
The playoff game, my home town team, they're sure to be a winner.HELEN
We'll stop off at my sister's, wish her well, then on our way. Time to get acquainted while we watch your home team play.(Partial chorus)
HELEN and TONY
Raise the curtain. Raise the curtain.(Background verses for BOBBY and SUSIE's dialogue)
HELEN and TONY
We may get our paychecks. Maybe, maybe not. We still go on anyway we burn while we are hot. Sometimes work in rest'rants or in noisy bars, serving drinks to tourist drunks and lighting their cigars.(BOBBY and SUSIE's dialogue)
SUSIE
BOBBY, that telegram, I'm sorry, welshing's one of my big crimes.BOBBY
SUSIE, you show up when you show up I make do the other times.SUSIE
So you assume the worst of me I wish you'd ask for more.BOBBY
I take the best and skip the rest and keep an open door.SUSIE
I like the door, the welcome mat, suppose I just move in.BOBBY
We'll have some fun and count no sin when you move out again.SUSIE
Now don't you think that this could be some sort of a romance?BOBBY
Perhaps, but we better get our jollies in advance.(Canon)
ENSEMBLE
Life is unpredictable We live it with no script Our fates and fortunes guided by whatever coin we flipped. Life is unpredictable, a twist and then a turn. No matter how we study, always something new to learn. Life is unpredictable we take it as it comes. And maybe end up in a corner sucking on our thumbs. Life is unpredictable our fate is in its hands. We watch the hourglass and know our lives are in the sands.(Closing verse)
When the show is over, and the folks are gone, our hearts go upon the shelf til next time we go on.(Closing chorus)
Raise the curtain, start the show. We're not ready, but who's to know. It's time to see what we can do. We'll make it if our luck comes through, so raise the curtain, raise the curtain, raise the curtain, start the show.