Phil Shaw: email@example.com
Copyright © 2008, 2010, 2014 by Phil Shaw - All Rights Reserved
(BOBBY enters with an armload of music.)
BOBBYI am the director Point my finger, wave my hand What you see is what I planned. What I see is truly grand. I am the director. I am the director. What I say is what you see. Everything is up to me. Everything as I decree. I am the director. The drama and the art you see the darkness and the light I take the work that's on the page and send it on its flight I am the director. but I'm modest, and humane. True respect I never feign. All will prosper in my reign. I am the director.
(A knock at the door. )That will be SUSIE SILVERTONE. SUSIE, SUSIE SILVERTONE. Exciting, elegant, exquisite SUSIE SILVERTONE!
(BOBBY opens the door.)Come in, SUSIE!
(TONY enters, in a telegram delivery boy uniform.)
(BOBBY takes the telegram. TONY starts to leave.)
TONYI'll sing! I'll perform! I'll be a basso op'ra star and live up on the stage. I'll be an artist worhipped from afar. I'll sing! I'll inspire! I'll make the people laugh and cry, I'll make the people cheer. I'll be the basso reaching for the sky. They say that ladies can't resist a star. They say that ladies chase us down no matter where we are. I'll sing! I'll excite! I'll be the flame, I'll light the fire, I'll make the people burn. I'll be the basso reaching ever higher.
(BOBBY opens the telegram and reads aloud.)From SUSY SILVERTONE. A telegram from SUSIE SILVERTONE. That's no surprise. That's no surprise at all. I can guess. I can guess what it will be. Quote.
Dearest Bobby, I have to weasel out. I hate to let you down. But I must do what I must do. That's what life's all about. Love and kisses, SUSY SILVERTONE.End quote.
(A knock at the door.)The door again. Who could that be? Come in!
(HELEN enters tentatively, looking around.)
(BOBBY hands HELEN a score)
(HELEN removes her coat)
(HELEN takes a breath to sing, then turns to BOBBIE.)
HELENSunrise. Dawn on Biscayne Bay. Sea birds. Watch them laugh and play. Children. Climbing in the trees. Breakfast. Pass the sugar please. All the things we lov'd to do together. They remain but you are gone. I remember all the joys we knew. I remember all my joy in you. Where are you? Where are you? Where are you, my darling. Where are you as the days go on. Where am I? Where am I? Where am I, without you. How can I, how can I go on. How can you? How can you? How can you not be here? How could you leave me on my own. How can I? How can I? How can I be with you? As we were, as we were, before? Before? Sunrise. Dawn on Biscayne Bay. Farewell. Farewell. Farewell. Farewell.
(A knock at the door.)
(SUSIE picks up a score.)Ah, the scores. Is this song mine? My song? It better be the best. But never mind. Which ever one I sing will be the best.
SUSIELove's a little angel, flitting round your head. Love's a fluffy pillow, there upon your bed. Love's a tiny kitten, playing on the floor. Love's a snuggly bunny, knocking at your door. "Love's a snuggly bunny"??? "Knocking at your door"??? Love's a bother. Love's a bore. Love's a bother, love's a bore. Makes me sour, makes me sore. Takes the wind out of my sails. Leaves me eating frogs and snails. Love's a bother, love's a bore. Makes me glower, makes me snore. Leaves me walking round and round. Leaves me talking with no sound. I grit and grumble. I grin and glow. I tell myself to take it slow. I wait and wonder. I watch and wish. I flop and flounder, like a fish. Like a fish. Love's a bother, love's a bore. Makes me shower, like a whore. Makes me belch and burp and wheeze. Leaves me walking on my knees. Then the man smiles. And he grins. And he laughs like church bells on a wedding afternoon. and fireworks pop and flash and leave me giggling like a loon. Some day he will smile at me, some day wait and see. Some day he will reach for me, and I will reach for the sky. Some day he will turn to me some day that will be. Some day he will learn to see and I will learn how to fly.
(Vocalising.)Ah______, Ah______, Ah______, Ah______, Ah______, Ah______. Some day he may smile at me, some day....some day...some day. Like I said so much before, love's a bother... Love may cause me awful grief. I may never find relief. I'll be wreck'd upon a reef, like a bun that has no beef. Love may be an awful bore, leave me knocking at the door. But 'til I get that winning score, I'll be coming, I'll be coming, I'll be coming back for more.
SUSIESopranos all are famed for being sweet and kind.
HELENfor helping one another, nicer folks you'll never find.
BOBBY[To audience] Something's not quite right here, This all sounds too sweet. With two sopranos in one room, there should be sparks and heat.
HELENSopranos just can't help it. Some are better some are not.
SUSIEThat's just the way that life is. Simply do with what you've got.
BOBBYThat's it! The competition Now we'll soon hear fights and screams. This sort of scene is sure to make a nightmare of my dreams.
SUSIESopranos know that talent should be given a salute.
HELENThe best receive top billing,
SUSIE and HELENand the rest get flowers and fruit.
HELENSopranos must acknowledge
SUSIEwhen a better one's at hand.
HELENJust step aside and curtsey,
SUSIE and HELENsmile and cheer the truly grand.
BOBBYPlease, ladies, this is opera not some boxing match Fight and you'll get chickens that you didn't want to hatch.
SUSIEI see we both agree on protocol and courtesy. So there is now no room for doubt. Top billing goes to me.
HELENI must correct your thinking. You're only almost right. Top billing's for the top, that's me So let us have no fight.
BOBBYI've got to find some way to make some sort of compromise. But that will not be easy when there's only one damn prize.
SUSIEWell, if you think you are the best, your judgement's fake and flawed. Top billing is for talent, not for some ass-wiggling broad
HELENThe only wiggling here is when you squeeze into some dress that you outgrew five years ago when you weighed ten pounds less.
BOBBYThis will cause me misery, and agony. What sin did I commit to get this wretched destiny
SUSIEYour voice could make an angel fall wounded from the sky.
HELENIf you should ever sing on key, it's on your seventh try.
SUSIEYou warble and you wobble, and morticians even laugh.
HELENWhen you attempt to find the notes, you miss the most by half.
SUSIEYour high notes sound like sirens, or a dying dinosaur.
HELENYour trills make dogs and horses howl, make countries go to war.
BOBBYLadies, ladies, ladies, let's say nothing we'll regret. Burning bridges hasn't helped us cross the river yet. Shake a hand and say hello and then say how are you.
SUSIEYou really are...
HELENYou're nothing but...
SUSIEYou ought to be
HELENYou're simply just...
SUSIE and HELENAn alto!
BOBBYDisruption! Disaster! Discombobulation! Disestablishmentarianism!
(TONY enters from the the auditorium rear.)
SUSIEWhat is that awful cry?
HELENThat cry could fry a fly!
TONYCat fight! I hear a cat fight! Soprano cat fight!
BOBBYCat fight? Nobody sound of mind would ever use a word like that. Especially with sopranos here to claw him like a rat.
TONYThose bickering sopranos can be heard a mile away. When they don't sound like cats they sound like horses when they bray.
BOBBYAh, it's TONY.
BOBBYTONY. TONY the telegraph boy
TONYTONY the basso. Just in time to help you with these squabbling alley cats. In olden days sopranos sometimes got a spanking. But that was then and nowadays we'd never...
SUSIEWhere's my jacket.
(SUSIE puts on her jacket.)
HELENWhat did I do with my coat.
(HELEN puts on her coat.)
SUSIEThat basso is insufferable. I'm walking out of here.
HELENMe too. That foul-mouthed jerk deserves a good kick in the rear.
(HELEN notices the design on SUSIE's coat.)Your coat! The needle-point design. Did you do that yourself?
SUSIEMy hobby and my passion.
(SUSIE notices the design on HELEN's jacket.)Your jacket too came off no shelf.
HELENOh! You've got a little snuggly bunny! He's so cute!
SUSIEI just love snuggly little bunnies,
SUSIE and HELENThey're so cute!
HELENWhere did you get that pattern? Is that your own design?
SUSIEYes I do my own designs, that way they're truly mine.
BOBBYNow, ladies, all your arguments, top billing and the rest. I'm sure that I can somehow work it out so you will both feel blessed.
SUSIE and HELENWorry you no more.
HELENWe'll work it out in needle-point
SUSIEand then tell you the score.
BOBBYI sense a great serenity,
BOBBY and TONYdescending on our stage.
ALLIt's time for the Finale. Time to turn the page.
(Opening verse - ensemble)Singing is our business, make-up is our face. Dancing? Yes, we do that, too. 'cause downstage is our place.
ENSEMBLERaise the curtain, start the show. We're not ready, but who's to know. It's time to see what we can do. We'll make it if our luck comes through, so raise the curtain, start the show.
BOBBY and TONYRaise the curtain. Raise the curtain.
(Background verses for HELEN and SUSIE's dialogue )
BOBBY and TONYWant to change the script? Maybe add a song? Tweak and twist and try again. We know that no way's wrong. Want to tour the towns? Put us on a bus. Buggy beds and batty bores, you'll hear no whine from us.
(HELEN and SUSIE's dialogue)
SUSIEHELEN you seem a little nervous, fretful, and unsure.
HELENSUSIE it's just a case of jitters, concentration is the cure.
SUSIEHELEN you've got a jones for TONY That's worse than cold or flu.
HELENSUSIE he's got me in a flutter, I don't know what to do. I hear his basso voice and, oh, my toes just seem to curl. He smiles and winks and I become a giggling little girl.
SUSIEWell I am no physician, not even a Confucian. But if TONY is the problem, then TONY is the solution.
BOBBY and SUSIERaise the curtain. Raise the curtain.
(Background verses for HELEN and TONY's dialogue)
BOBBY and SUSIEWe have learned our craft. We stand where we start. We have done the deal, and so the head is in the heart. Some shows are a hit Some shows are a dud. We still work for curtain calls the ham is in the blood.
(HELEN and TONY's dialogue)
HELENTONY, I hear that you're from Canada? it must be cold up there!
TONYHELEN, the cold is thirty-two below, the wind could freeze your hair.
HELENI guess you don't know many folks, if you've just moved down here.
TONYIt's hard to get acquainted. My social life is austere.
HELENThis Friday night, have you got plans? It's my sister's birthday dinner.
TONYThe playoff game, my home town team, they're sure to be a winner.
HELENWe'll stop off at my sister's, wish her well, then on our way. Time to get acquainted while we watch your home team play.
HELEN and TONYRaise the curtain. Raise the curtain.
(Background verses for BOBBY and SUSIE's dialogue)
HELEN and TONYWe may get our paychecks. Maybe, maybe not. We still go on anyway we burn while we are hot. Sometimes work in rest'rants or in noisy bars, serving drinks to tourist drunks and lighting their cigars.
(BOBBY and SUSIE's dialogue)
SUSIEBOBBY, that telegram, I'm sorry, welshing's one of my big crimes.
BOBBYSUSIE, you show up when you show up I make do the other times.
SUSIESo you assume the worst of me I wish you'd ask for more.
BOBBYI take the best and skip the rest and keep an open door.
SUSIEI like the door, the welcome mat, suppose I just move in.
BOBBYWe'll have some fun and count no sin when you move out again.
SUSIENow don't you think that this could be some sort of a romance?
BOBBYPerhaps, but we better get our jollies in advance.
ENSEMBLELife is unpredictable We live it with no script Our fates and fortunes guided by whatever coin we flipped. Life is unpredictable, a twist and then a turn. No matter how we study, always something new to learn. Life is unpredictable we take it as it comes. And maybe end up in a corner sucking on our thumbs. Life is unpredictable our fate is in its hands. We watch the hourglass and know our lives are in the sands.
(Closing verse)When the show is over, and the folks are gone, our hearts go upon the shelf til next time we go on.
(Closing chorus)Raise the curtain, start the show. We're not ready, but who's to know. It's time to see what we can do. We'll make it if our luck comes through, so raise the curtain, raise the curtain, raise the curtain, start the show.