Phil Shaw - http://okshaw.com
The streetlight drunk: A policeman sees a drunk crawling under a streetlight, and asks what he's doing.
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Only need to outrun you: Two guys hiking in the woods see a grizzly bear running towards them. One of them begins to change from his hiking boots into running shoes.
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Moose turd pie: A logging camp has two rules:
A new lumberjack arrives, who hates cooking and wants to get outside and chop trees. So, he searches the swamps until he finds a large fresh steaming hot moose turd, which he brings back to the camp, places in a pie shell, and serves for dessert. The biggest lumberjack in the camp cuts himself a large piece of this fresh hot pie, takes a big bite, roars "THAT'S MOOSE TURD PIE!", then quickly adds "but it's gooood!" |
It's my nature: A frog is about to cross a stream, and a scorpion asks if he can ride across on the frog's back.
So the frog agrees to carry the scorpion. Halfway across the stream, the scorpion bites him.
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So far so good: A man falls from a ten story building, and as he plunges past each floor calls out, "So far, so good!" |
It feels good when I stop: A man hitting himself on the head with a hammer, asked why he is doing that, says, "Because it feels good when I stop." |
We've got to stop Jablonski! (a sketch from the Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour): Scene: A football locker room at half-time. The players enter, discouraged, disheartened, dejected. |
You skin that one: A salesman and an engineer on a hunting trip arrive at their cabin.
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800 pound gorilla:
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