A one-act musical comedy

Words and music by Phil Shaw


Phil Shaw
1350 E Flamingo Rd #345
Las Vegas NV 89119 USA

(702) 372 8297

Copyright © 2009, 2010, 2014 by Phil Shaw - All Rights Reserved



Full score(pdf)





  1. An instantly recognizable Elvis-impersonator outfit for SGT STARR. Perhaps a jacket, a wig, and sunglasses.
  2. (Optional) A map to the Grand Tayopa Mine that BOBBY can brandish when he refers to it and then pocket.
  3. Handcuffs for SGT STARR to put on BOBBY.


JOE and BOBBY are neighbors in Las Vegas. JOE drove BOBBY down to Primm, to see BOBBY's girlfriend DOLORES and her roommate CHROME. SGT STARR, a policeman in Primm, SUGAR, SGT STARR's wife somehow get involved. Complications ensue.


Scene 1 - BOBBY and JOE

BOBBY, with his neighbor JOE, let's himself into the apartment of his sister CHROME and his girlfriend DOLORES ["2. DOLORES, CHROME"]. BOBBY has come to see DOLORES, but neither CHROME and DOLORES are home. BOBBY thanks JOE for driving him to the apartment, and promises JOE a surprise ["3. SURPRISES"]. BOBBY thanks JOE for the ride ["4. I'M SO GLAD"]. JOE suspects that BOBBY is trying to fix him up with his sister CHROME ["5. YOU FIGURE ON FIXING ME UP?"]. BOBBY says that if he'd known that they'd have to wait for CHROME and DOLORES, he would have stopped at TOYS 'R' US ["6. FIX UP YOU AND CHROME?"]. JOE asks why, since BOBBY has no children. BOBBY says, 'Not yet', and JOE mentions his brother with five children. They reflect on the rewards of family life ["7. THANKSGIVING"]. BOBBY seems worried about some troubles ["8. LOT'S OF SMILES"], but indicates that he'll be able to handle them with the riches he expects when he finds the Grand Tayopa silver mine ["9. THE GRAND TAYOPA"].

Scene 2 - CHROME enters

CHROME enters, and immediately begins hitting BOBBY and cursing him ["10. JAILBIRD!"]. It seems that BOBBY robbed the casino where CHROME and DOLORES work ["11. WHO IS THIS?"]. BOBBY says he realized it was a bad idea as soon as he said, "This is a hold-up!". CHROME asks why he didn't just stop, and JOE points out the difficulty of 'just stopping' at a moment like that ["12. NEVER MIND"]. CHROME suspects that BOBBY is trying to fix her up with JOE. CHROME says that a policeman, SGT STARR, whom she and BOBBY knew in school, had already been at the apartment looking for BOBBY ["13. STUPID ROBBERY"]. They remember SGT STARR for having dated a well-endowed girl, ["14. HONEY-DEWS"]. CHROME indicates that the girl's name was SUGAR OLSEN ["15. OLSEN, SUGAR OLSEN"]. BOBBY indicates that he did the robbery on impulse, just to get the money to explore for the Grand Tayopa He says that his aim was to get money to support the baby that DOLORES told him she was going to have. CHROME reminds BOBBY that his reaction to DOLORES was "That's your problem", and she recalls the trouble their mother had with their father ["16. HEEERE'S DADDY"]. BOBBY says he wouldn't be like that ["17. I WOULDN'T BE THAT KIND OF FATHER"].

Scene 3 - DOLORES enters

DOLORES enters, and immediately begins hitting BOBBY and cursing him with a short reprise of "JAILBIRD" ["18. HI, DOLORES"]. BOBBY tells her he's changed his attitude towards the baby, but DOLORES isn't convinced, and reprises "HEEERE'S DADDY!". CHROME tells DOLORES about SGT STARR's visit, and reprises "HONEY-DEWS". BOBBY tells her about The Grand Tayopa and reprises "THE GRAND TAYOPA".

Scene 4 - SGT STARR enters

SGT starr enters to arrest BOBBY ["19. HI DOLORES, HELLO CHROME"]. He confirms that he used to date the well-endowed SUGAR OLSON (reprises "HONEY-DEWS"), and that they are married with four sons. BOBBY starts to ask SGT STARR a favor, and DOLORES says it's probably got something to do with The Grand Tayopa ("THE GRAND TAYOPA" reprise). SGT STARR says he used to pursue get-rich-quick schemes, but that he now had other treasures ["20. DAY BY DAY BY DAY"]. BOBBY tells DOLORES that he wants that sort of life for them ["21. THAT'S FOR US, DOLORES"]. DOLORES tells BOBBY that they should also put aside get-rich schemes ["22. LEAVE THE RAINBOW"]. BOBBY asks SGT STARR if they can stop off at the King's Castle on their way to the jailhouse ["23. CAN WE STOP OFF"] SGT STARR agrees, and all exit to the Kings Castle.

A piano interlude follows ["24. INTERLUDE"] during which the setting changes to the Kings Castle, which we find out is a wedding chapel.

Scene 5 - At the KINGS CASTLE

SGT STARR, BOBBY, DOLORES, JOE, and CHROME enter The Kings Chapel, sometimes called The Kings Castle ["25. IS THIS THE KINGS CASTLE?"]. SGT STARR introduces the new manager, his wife, SUGAR OLSEN STARR. SGT STARR goes off-stage or behind a screen to change. CHROME asks SUGAR if she really has four sons, and SUGAR responds with an account of living with four sons. During her song, she is joined from off-stage by SGT STARR, who then enters in his Elvis outfit ["26. HOW MANY WAYS"]. SGT STARR (who performs ceremonies at The Kings Chapel) is about to begin the wedding ceremony ["27. NOW FOR THE WEDDING CEREMONY"] when JOE interrupts and tells CHROME that the two of them are destined to end up together, so why not just skip the courtship and get married. CHROME and JOE reflect that this won't be a bed of roses, but it's what they're going to do ["28. LEAP"]. JOE and CHROME ask SGT STARR to make the wedding ceremony a couble wedding ["29. SGT STARR, CAN YOU DO A DOUBLE?"], AND SGT STARR performs the double wedding ceremony ["30. THE WEDDING SONG"].

SGT STARR then leads BOBBY off to jail ["31. AND NOW, BOBBY AND I HAVE TO LEAVE"] and the ensemble sings the final song ["32. LEAP/DAY BY DAY BY DAY" (reprise)].

Performance Notes

  1. The running time is 1 hour 14 minutes, plus pauses between numbers.
  2. The show assumes Primm to be a larger community than it actually is, more like Laughlin.
  3. The first part of the show takes place in CHROME and DOLORES's apartment in Primm, and the second part takes place in the Kings Chapel, commonly referred to erroneously as the Kings Castle.
  4. CHROME and DOLORES's apartment needs no particular furnishings. The characters all remain standing during the first part.
  5. The Kings Chapel should have an identifying sign and a podium for the officiating person, and perhaps other things to look like a wedding chapel.
  6. SUGAR is described by BOBBY, CHROME, DOLORES, and even SGT STARR as having a very large bustline (to use a delicate term). SUGAR's bustline is the first thing anyone notices about her, the first thing they remember, and the last thing they forget. The song "14. HONEY DEWS" is devoted to that subject. So the woman who plays SUGAR will probably need foam enhancement. However, this enhancement should be enough to make SUGAR's bustline conspicuous and no more. Her bustline should be noticeable but not grotesque. She should be attractive, not ludicrous.
  7. After arriving at the Kings Castle, SGT STARR leaves to change into his Elvis costume. He could either go behind a screen, or go off-stage opposite from the side of the stage that the characters entered.
  8. After SGT STARR handcuffs BOBBY in ["19. HI DOLORES, HELLO, CHROME"] BOBBY remains hand-cuffed.

Musical Numbers

Click on a song name for the Virtual Singer generated MP3 demo of the song. See Notes on the demo recordings for a description of those demos.